handm's Blog

.... and I would love to chat to other subs to find out if it really is the path for me.
LOL and no thank you my name is not "jonny" and I don't need a new master - I'm very happy with H.

I received the following via email with a warning that it was the tamest of todays thoughts. By the time I'd read it I was almost begging for the others.
It certainly set my heart a pounding. I hope you enjoy it.

I won’t let you speak, would force you into your bedroom and whisper that I wanted you face down on the bed. I’d take your leggings and knickers (or whatever you were wearing) slowly down, not letting you look, telling you not to speak and to just relax.
You’d feel my breath as I spread you wide, my tongue and fingers working your lips, clit and holes over and over. Then you hear my zip as I lower my trousers, you’re still not allowed to look or speak, knowing you’ll stop whatever is happening if you do, not actually knowing what I’ll do if you don’t do as I say. And then you feel me slowly push myself into your wet turned on willing pussy, you lie there breathing hard as you feel me inside you.
I order you to try and rub your clit as I thrust hard into you, trying to push as hard and deep as I can. Then as you reach under yourself to rub, you feel me slowling a little as I then start to probe your arse with my fingers, rubbing just outside you know I have some saliva on my fingers to lube you a little then it starts, first one finger then a second pushing in slowly in time with my cock filling your now soaking cunt.
You're unable to say a thing, whimpering as I push so hard and deep, you wondering what I’ll choose to do next, just enjoying being so totally used. Now I pull out and order you to find a large toy without questioning me or speaking, you are obedient and find one, I tell you to resume the position you were in before, now I slowly slide my cock back into your cunt, you know it will either be the toy to join my cock or it will push into your arse but I’m hesitating and you don’t know.
I tell you to push your face into the pillow and keep rubbing your clit if you can reach. Then you feel the head of the toy going between your arse and cunt, just rubbing. Then I force it deep and hard into your arse, taking your breath away. You know I’ll soon cum and leave you there, you feel me speeding up and I’m pushing so hard into you with both my cock and the toy and then I cum. The toy is still inside you as I pull out my cock and order you to clean it with your mouth only as you are ordered to rub the leaking cum into your clit and continue playing with the toy.
I grab your lipstick and write your NN names on your tits for one and your arse for the other as I tell you to take photos as you continue to play and post them I also order you to get caught by A the next time he is home with your legs spread wide and a toy in your cunt or arse, no hiding under the bedclothes, maybe even on the sofa.
Then I leave, having used you and you still haven’t uttered a word. You think about how naughty you can be so you decide to go shopping, so you go to the local Private shop to buy some porn and a new toy but you go without knickers on so you can feel the cum running down your legs, a long skirt and a long coat but a loose top and no bra, you know you’ll get praise for making it obvious that you have no bra when you are in the shop. You even take a camera in case they can help with photos, all the time so nervous in case someone recognises you, all the time knowing you’ll get praise and rewarded for it………



Anything less than total compliance and submission today just won’t be acceptable.

Hey you lot
Nice to be back here.
As you know there's been a bit of a lull between handm, but over the last couple of weeks we've seen one another several times.

Now usually we'd have been making a bit of a song and dance about it posting pics or updates or blogging. BUT I have found it quite intense and a little mindblowing - I know h finds it hard to believe, I put it down to the ability he has to please me and make me cum.

Anyway I have found it really hard to find adequate words to do justice to what happened between us.

Hopefully the pics will speak for themselves and when I'm able to, I'll share the sexy trysts with all of you.
Take care of yourselves Mx and H

Sometimes there is no need to find the words when there are lyrics as perfect as this to match the way I feel.....

"I Can't Make You Love Me" By Bonnie Raitt - Songwriters: MIKE REID, ALLEN SHAMBLIN

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me

Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

......recently I have to remind myself of this.
I feel sad and miss H with a passion and hate that things are unnecessarily (in my opinion)awkward.... and then I try hard to pull myself together....and concentrate on the positives enjoy my time with friends on NN and at the moment spending time outside and playing with my small person.

A couple of things have happened and help me to put things into perspective - a friend of mine has a small person only a few weeks older than my little one - he was diagnosed with cancer at 8months old had chemo and had been given the all clear. A year later he may have hearing loss due to the drugs or possibly autism or perhaps a brain tumour, but he still laughs and smiles and runs around and his parents are so positive they really are an inspiration.

I think of Col66 and all the other lovely people who share their thoughts and fears and I have to give myself a shake and remember that so many of us here and out there are hurting in pain sad and lonely for so many reasons.

So sending lots of positive happy healing thoughts and wishing only good things for all of you not just for today but always.
Big hugs and lots of love
Mx

How about meeting up after work it's a gorgeous afternoon and it would be wonderful to go for a walk...... I'm lying reading on a blanket in the field long skirt and no knickers sun beating down on my golden skin.
When you arrive we kiss and talk our hands slowly exploring reacquainting themselves with the sensitve places on each others bodies.... our kisses deepen as your hand slides beneath my skirt parting my thighs to find the warm wetness between them.

Slowly slipping in and out of me making me wetter ...my hand fumbling on your zipper freeing your hard cock slowly wanking you. Then your hand tangling in my hair as you pull me forwards and start to fuck my mouth slowly deeply. You stop fucking my mouth as you feel me cumming over your fingers pushing them in harder and deeper as I gasp begging you to fist me your whole hand pushing into me stretching me until I start to squirt juices flowing down my legs over your hand as you start to finger my arse your hands working in unison as I bite my lip in pleasure.....slowly you push your cock deep into my arse as you continue to fist me I gasp and let out a low moan wanting more . You make me squirt as you're fucking my arse and then - you push your cock into my stretched wet pussy whilst keeping the fingers of one hand inside me and the fingers of the other in my stretched arse frigging and fucking untill I'm begging you to stop but you know that I want more and more.........you reach across and grab a toy putting it onto the maximum setting and pushing it into my arse....finding another large one with a clit stimulator for my pussy you push your cock deep into my mouth forcing it into my throat as you hold my head in place..........making me suck you as you fuck my mouth my body writhing trying to escape the pulsating sensations driving me wild making my whole body throb.

Tears of pleasure trickling down my cheeks my brow damp with sweat making the hair around my face curl - but wanting more, desperate for more, unable to stop the gushing betwen my legs as I'm racked by orgasm after orgasm ............

Suddenly you stop dragging me to my feet by my hair and you bend me over to fuck me really hard from behind driving up and into me with such force that you take my breath away almost wanting to hurt me for making you want me so much for putting you in the position we keep finding ourselves - but also just enjoying the moment and the fact that when we're together we can push the boundaries and always enjoy the outcome.

You're covered in my cum juice dripping down my legs as you thrust deeper and deeper on the verge of cumming........grabbing my waist with one last thrust you shudder as you cum deep inside me as I orgasm and cum over your cock at the same time ......... before pushing me to the ground so you can kneel above me with your cock between my lips to be licked and sucked clean.

Then as your cock is in my mouth you feel a second wave hit you and you know that you're going to cum again ........... this time you start cumming in my mouth ...........then you pull out and cum over my face and tits.

I am wet and my clit is SO hard and throbbing wanting you to go down on me now and suck my clit and lick my lips and probe my wet pussy till I cum..... oh damn you for making me feel like this all the bloody time you're so damn gorgeous and sexy and I want you so much x

I've written about our first and second "dates" from memory but also included some of the edited emails between us.

The day before we were due to meet up I gave H a get out just incase he had changed his mind........... he didn't.
I was so excited as I drove to meet him and had massive butterflies I almost felt sick. We met and sat in the coffee shop a little awkwardly but both pleased to see one another, we went for a long walk around and around the shopping complex. Holding hands, talking and laughing and I felt that this was exactly where I belonged with this big huge man I hardly knew at all - H was having difficulty walking as he had the most massive very noticeable hardon, at one stage he stopped in the shadows and grabbed my hand and made me touch him. It was so unexpected and I remember thinking how hard and big he was as I stroked him and how wet and turned on I was and that he could have fucked me in the car park then and there and I wouldn't have cared, who saw us.

H to M
First of all, everything is good. Just wanted to chat I guess. I hope you have a great night's sleep and smile if you do wake up early or in the night thinking about when we met earlier. My head is still spinning I guess, can't quite believe it. A little guilty/confused about the fact I grabbed your hand and made you feel how hard I was, so amazingly sexy feeling you wank me as you held onto me, us so close. Now you can try and remember my cock while you let your mind imagine us together whether it's you sucking me off in a meeting room, riding me with my cock in your arse, just entwinded in bed, on a camp site or some other fantasy like us in a car down a dark country lane.
I don't know when we can meet again but think it can't be before next week at the earliest. We can chat and sort time/date/place out. We may have to meet somewhere else but don't know where. I don't think we can just meet up and sit and talk outside else I feel we will end up doing something I regret. Just need somewhere public but private enough to talk openly. Let me know what you think.

Maybe I'll get to see you in a photo showing me all of your amazingly sexy body in your underwear as I couldn't stand to see it on you as I would want to be with you so much if I did.

Have a great day tomorrow.


M to H
Hello gorgeous
seems so strange not talking to you before bed. I can't believe we missed one another, was trying to get home to email you and then to chat.

I 'm so glad that you emailed and that you're ok. Truthfully I think we were extremely restrained and the fact that you did what you did and stopped it there is unsurprising and very commendable. Unsurprising considering the strength of feelings between us at the moment and commendable for the same reason. I can't even begin to describe the way I felt - I will try once I've had a chance to think about it with out interruptions. I do know I am so happy at the moment.

I still can't stop smiling and thinking about you. I really am lost for words as to how good it felt not only just to see you again but to feel my hand in yours to hear you laugh and to see you smile while I look into your eyes. The feeling of your hand brushing my hair from my face and god I could go on and on just an amazing experience.........thank you!

Hopefully we will chat soon but if not just receiving emails are such a highlight.

H to M
Like you I do keep thinking back to last night. I can't believe it was then, I just keep thinking I want to meet up again. To have that feeling as I had my arm around you as we walked, looking down into eyes and your beautiful face, how soft your lips were when we kissed. It's got my heart racing again just thinking about it.

I know this is a long shot as I know you are busy tomorrow, but what do you think to half an hour tomorrow night after work? We could just meet at a pub, or for another coffee. Let me know.

M to H
Last night was really special - I felt physically ill walking across the road to see you so nervous. Then I saw you smile and felt your arms go around me and everything felt fine.

I'm really glad we walked otherwise I think I would have felt really caged - needed to get rid of some of the sexual tension. Although you did not help!!!! Sorry I suspect I should take some responsibility for it too.

I just want to be somewhere quiet at the moment so that I can replay it in my mind, the sound of your laugh, the tone of your voice and the touch of your hand amazing. My mind occasionally lets me think about what it would have been like if there were no barriers and we could just be two people attracted to one another. How things last night would have been a little different.
Yes I do think about us meeting up again a lot, but I am truly in your hands I'm not going to put you in a position at all so entirely up to you. Let me know when and what part of the world. I do think that we can be trusted with a lot of self control to behave.

No we couldn't be trusted to behave - even in less than an hour...
We met in the same place or at least we were supposed to - I got out of the car and walked towards the meeting place and then he drove up. He opened his window and asked me to get in. I did without a second thought. We drove through snow covered countryside to the most amazing place where we held one another and kissed the most delicious kisses time standing still and I remember thinking how much I wanted him and how I wanted the moment to last forever. I could feel how hard he was and every part of me was tingling with desire and the need to be consumed by him. It wasn't long before our cold hands were beneath one anothers clothes ostensibly to keep warm ...LOL Yeah right!

Once back in the car it was inevitable and I couldn't stop myself and before we knew it there was the rasp of a zipper and my head had disappeared below the dashboard. H has the most amazing cock it's so big and thick the head is huge and he tastes so good
I thought it was a perfect end to the evening H on the otherhand says nothing is perfect ... cheeky bugger!

M to H
Sometimes words just don't do justice to an event or a feeling. You said that nice just wasn't good enough and that there were hundreds of other more suitable words.
Without sounding corny - Sexy, sensual, inviting, magnificient, intense, awesome incredible, exciting and to coin your word exhilarating. Thank you for taking me to such an incredible place the moonlight and stars and the fresh air were all really special. Looking forward to sitting quietly and talking in a field sometime soon. I am still shocked (pleasantly) about recent events and in particular tonight. So amazing and much more intense than I could have ever imagined it. I didn't want it to end but knew it had to, I guess making it all the more precious.
Not sure how often I'll be around this weekend but will keep checking for you.........Remember if it doesn't make you happy we need to do something about it.

We met again and again and everytime the feelings were more and more intense. We started talking on the phone occassionally and things became pretty intense, H asked me to web cam with him (something I'd never done before). You'll have to wait to read about that.

Before I tell you about H I just wanted to reiterate that I really enjoy sex Yes I know no shit sherlock - we ALL do, BUT one or two of you out there seem to think I don't.

I don't cum very often in fact in 22years I had probably only cum 7 or 8 times if that and never with a toy. H has managed to change that and I have no idea how but with him I can relax and trust him and I just cum and I've started squirting too something that had never happened before. Awesome, he really has a magic touch. I couldn't tell you how many times I've cum since H without really having to think hard but I do know it's lots and lots


So I've always liked tall men but normally blond ones(heres looking at you LV ) BUT from the minute I saw H that was it for me

WOW where and how to start.............I adore him and will probably be a bit like a love sick school girl in through the next few blogs. To be upfront and honest I know that what we have between us is wrong and should really end BUT it also feels so damn right especially when we're together.

I met him through work - he came in as a consultant on a project. I'd met some of his colleagues previously and they were lovely. I was anxious about meeting him as I knew he was the expert who could say yes or no to the project going ahead.... the first day he came in I was leaning over at reception trying to fix a laminator that someone had taken apart. My jeans had slid down a little and were barely hanging on my hips as he walked in. So his first glimpse of me was my big bottom barely covered by my jeans!! I turned around and had to hike them up before they fell to my ankles. My first impressions were "Oh My God - how sexy is he!!" we shook hands and I just remember thinking how massive they were and how great his hand felt on mine.
Through out the next hour my mind struggled to keep focused on work and not the thought of how sexy he was. I felt an instant attraction and a real chemistry between us.
He's very tall (6'2" LOL to me at just over 5'4", amazing greeney speckled eyes and an irresistible smile that melts me everytime.
When he left I walked into my office with a big smile on my face and a good friend looked at me and asked "Which one? or were you thinking of having a 3sum!!" I howled with laughter as I had struggled not to think about kneeling before him in the meeting room we were in and giving him a blow job. So she wasn't too far off track. She'd been urging me to get back on the dating scene constantly since A and I had split, but I hadn't been interested in anyone till then.

Terrible as I couldn't stop thinking about him and spent the week looking forward to his visits.... LOL it was incredibly difficult to focus on what needed to be done and achieving it when I was having these filthy thoughts about him.

He was always so aloof that I really didn't think he liked me let alone fancied me.... We eventually managed to get the work done and the project was extremely succesful, at around the same time I got a friend request from him on Facebook which really surprised me. We started chatting and emailing and got on really well. I was having such hot dreams and filthy thoughts about him but really liked him and because of the professional link felt that I'd better just tone it down.....and I still had no idea that he thought anything other than the "ditsygirl" from the project.

Around this time my dad died and H was awesome at keeping me sane, he had also lost a close family member earlier in the year and I think he just instinctively knew and understood how I felt. I flew home and whilst I was away I thought about him a lot and looked forward to getting the odd message just making sure that I was okay. SO sweet.
My ex came with me and was extrememly supportive and so I decided it was worth trying to give it another go but I realised within a couple of days that it wasn't a viable option, but by then I was pregnant and didn't know! Ridiculous as we'd spent years trying to get pregnant and been told that it was unlikely that I would so didn't even think about it.

I came back and H and I started chatting again and then suddenly one night and to this day neither of us know how it happened we went from chatting about day to day stuff to me telling him about wanting to give him a blow job and him telling me about oggling my bum on the very first day and looking down my cleavage and having very unprofessional thoughts about me.

I was gutted when I found out he was married, for far too many reasons.

We soon progressed from FB to msn and some very heated and horny conversations.
One evening he just sent me a message asking if I wanted to meet him for a coffee, I was amazed. Over the next few days I felt that he would change his mind as I know how much his family mean to him. It was the most wonderful feeling of anticipation waiting to meet up......

More about that later.

........I'm from the southern hemisphere - stubborn, loyal, big, bubbly brunette a bit of an honesty freak (ironic considering.....I know) and I enjoy being outdoors and in particular love sunshine especially in the summer when it warms your skin but also on frosty cold crisp winter days too when it just makes you happy.

I live with A I've been with him on and off for about 14 years. 6 years ago I found out that not only had he been sleeping with a girl he worked with but that he had multiple affairs and that he had been meeting transexuals and tv's as well as other girls and guys throughout the time we'd been together.

I was gutted I thought we were exclusive and had been faithful (that's the kind of girl I was) particularly as we'd been trying for a baby.
I guess the biggest problem for me was not that he was doing it but that he lied and that he wasn't particularly interested in sex with me but seemed happy to put it out there with lots of other people. When we did have sex it wasn't brilliant and no matter what I tried - role play light bondage, dressing up none of it seemed to make a difference, I could have run through the streets stark naked and he still wouldn't have shown any signs of interest.
In fact in 14 years I've probably only cum 4times and I've never squirted, touching myself during sex or infront of him is not acceptable to him so probably not the most compatible mix.

We split up and a year later got back together, after he begged me to forgive him and on the understanding that if he was going to see anyone else he'd tell me. I believe in honesty and would prefer to know than not... I found out 2 years on that he was still playing the field and so we split again. Then I found out I was pregnant typical after all those years of trying!!

I now have an amazing small person who makes me laugh every day and thankful that I've been given such an incredible gift.

So I guess I need to explain about H and I next

Well H is always on about me trying to get lucky with A but as his main interest is generally not me - it's not one of the easiest things to do.....but as you can tell from the previous blog I got lucky on Monday night as did H.

Well a very strange thing happened last night I went up to bed and at around 3.30 A climbed into bed and asked if I was asleep - I'm a light sleeper so I answered that I had been but was now awake and why? He answered that he was just checking and with out further ado climbed on top of me pushed my knickers aside and slid his cock into me ......he'd cum within about 3 minutes and rolled off and went to sleep - no foreplay no touching no kissing no nothing!

So twice in one week that's nearly more than when we first got together.....somethings up.
Now if I'm really lucky I'll see H later and get a really good seeing to Oh okay I'm being bad but damn it he really does turn me on and make me cum.

Let her know if you like the email M sent me today.....

Well I was in bed and had been touching myself - fingers in deep thinking about you and chatting yesterday occassionally slipping out to pinch my clit and wishing I hadn't packed my toys in storage - I was just dropping off to sleep when A climbed into bed and put his arm around me he started rubbing my nipple through my pj's almost scrathcing it with his nails I could feel his cock pressing against me as he got harder and then he slid his other hand into my bottoms and rubbed my clit - I was already wet and still so damned turned on from chatting with you earlier.  I was rubbing his cock slowly wanking him as we were kissing - he kneeled between my legs and I thoiught he might go down on me but instead he just finger fucked me a little harder.......I was getting wetter and wetter and thought I was going to squirt but didn't........
He spread my legs wider and pushed his cock into me. As he was slowly pushing in and out I asked what naughty thoughts he'd been having recently - he said that he'd been thinking about being with another couple as I had mentioned it recently. I asked what in particular and he said all of it - he asked me what bit appealed to me and I said the thought of having two cocks deep in my pussy rubbing against one another as they stretched me wide at the same time as licking the other girls pussy or perhaps one cock in my arse and one in my pussy would be quite good too. I asked if he would enjoy that and he thrust a little harder and said he was sure it would be quite nice. He asked what else so I said that it would be great to be fucjked by someone else as he was fucking the other girl and then for him to go down on me afterwards.  I kept thinking of your cock in my pussy mouth and arse and of you fisitng me and I squirted a little for the first time with A he slowed a little and the change of pace brought me so close to cumming but then he came I wrapped my legs around him and told him I was really close he rubbed my clit which really surprised me  and carried on gently fucking me whilst I squirted some more but didn't actually cum. We stopped and I asked if he liked the squirting and he said it was ...........nice.......!! Oh well.