BraGirl's Blog - page 20

There simply are 'no playful women in the valley' and I immediately thought of this tune, really takes me back its a classic....

Look forwards and not back, you cant go backwards into your future now can you?? Nice chill out tune for you with a hint of jazz in there, music to make love to me thinks...

I might be looking forwards, but I also always have a parachute with me too just incase....

Please take the time to watch it, I thought it was fantastic... [url]http://m.cnet.com.au/short-zombie-film-will-break-your-heart-339343950.htm?redir=1[/url]

This shows you the wind patterns around the world, just use your cursor to navigate, pretty cool....
[url]http://h.nullschool.net/#current/wind/isobaric/1000hPa/orthographic=-2.34,52.97,333[/url]

My thoughts go out to my many friends feeling the extreme cold right now over in the states. You take great care you guys!.....This track, it invites me to think of the warm Sunshine, clear blue skies and brightness, admittedly its rather long, but I want you all to feel the Sunshine with me and you will like it, trust me. Its a funky little chill out tune, with an eastern feel to it, some nice drums and its one of my favourites. the video is pretty good plenty of pictures. I shall blog some words for you all soon, maybe tomorrow Just know, for now, its all good on Planet Kas xxxx

I have to admit, I am not adverse to Schubert, he was said to be rather emotional and you can certainly sense that in his music, enjoy.....

Rather a fan of Peter O'Toole, I found this article about him, another great actor lost... [url]http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/farewell-peter-otoole[/url]

To hear of the death of Nelson Mandela today

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear ~ Nelson Mandela

I know I have been rather distant of late, hence the feeling reflective remark in my recent blog. Partly down to the prolonged darkness of winter but that really doesnt bother me all that much to be fair, but the latter part of November and early December I find particularly hard to get through. I gave a son up for adoption back in 1986, his birthday falls on the first day of December, so the week prior and the week following I tend to retreat inwards, put on a smile and internalize more than any other time of the year. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but the best thing in the long run for all concerned. I actually took care of him for the three days I was hospitalised afterwards, then simply walked out, walked away and left him with his new family. You then get a further three months before you sign away all rights as a Mother, the longest three months of my life and no doubt for them too, as they didnt know if I would change my mind during this 'to consider' period I had made the decision very early on in the pregnancy that adoption was what I wanted, I personally didnt want an abortion. I had my eldest of three years old at home at the time, the Father wanted to support me, to marry me, but even then I was a commitment phobic and I simply didnt love him, he was purely and simply a fuck buddy to be frank. I got through it alone, I did enquire about counselling but at that time there were no such groups that would listen to me the one giving up my child. For the ones adopting however, there were plenty of organisations offering help and support. I just did what I usually do, locked it away in that room we all have within our minds were the painful stuff stays never to be viewed or experienced again. Its not like grieving, but I certainly cried. The couple Jonathan (I named him but then they chose to name him Timothy) Went to, seemed so nice from what I had been told we didnt get as far as meeting one another, they also seemed a very loving couple. They had spent thousands and thousands on IVF which failed everytime, they were so desperate to start a family. Eventually after twelve years of failed IVF attempts they then adopted alittle boy at birth who was at the time just two years old. The Father was high up in a managerial position with IBM, they also lived in a very affluent area just outside of Southport and so I knew he would be very well taken care of more importantly, he was a truly wanted child to complete their family. My eldest came round very early yesterday morning just to give me a big hug, I have always been utterly honest with him, with both my boys to be fair about most aspects of my life. Although we have never actually discussed the full circumstances surrounding the adoption, they both know enough and both understand support me completely. I have to admit I am terrified Jonathan may come looking for me, I am not at all ready for that yet and I am not so sure I ever will be but the day is coming I can feel it. I hope he is happy with his life and indeed I am curious of how he has grown, what he looks like and I wonder if there is anything of my sons or myself in there somewhere....

Changing the subject, I have news on the robbing mush, I received a letter from the 'criminal justice system' advising me of the outcome of his appearance in court acouple of weeks ago. he was given an 'community order with a curfew' which means he will have to undertake unpaid work in the community, a curfew (which can only mean he is also tagged) From 8pm until 7am although that seems a waste of time, no punishment he never went out at night anyways! He has to pay forty pounds in court costs, along with a sixty pound surcharge (I have no idea what thats about) But more importantly, the community order will also include some form of drug rehabilitation, meaning he will finally be prescribed an heroin substitute and receive the help he quite obviously needs the most. So its all good really and thats were I shall end this waffling. I do have more waffling's to waffle at you, but for now I am waffled out, once again thank you to those wonderful few that keep intouch with pm's and thank you so much to the few away from here who help and emotionally support me everyday one way or another. I will get round to posting the pictures I keep threatening to...I shall get on that maybe tomorrow! Takecare all and here is a totally unrelated to this blog tune for you, its funky and I just like it xxxx