Digoree's Blog - page 35

So last night we didn't drink but ended up staying at Charlie's place again, which didn't necessarily thrill me. He's not a bad guy, but the room bugged me a bit more since I was sober and I didn't feel AT ALL like drinking again, and personally I was just ready to be alone with Ash again.

But Ash was getting over her hang over and mine was going back and forward between me feeling fine and me feeling like total shit. We went out to eat and Charlie came along with us (eh...). It's not that he was a bad guy or anything, but he was kind of getting on my nerves, he had a bit of an 'I'm older than you and therefore right,' attitude and he just kind of talked and talked, and I was tired and no longer in the mood for chat chat chat. Even still, we went to get some Mongolian Barbeque, which would have been better if my stomach felt like letting me eat. I got one plate done and then I wasn't sure if I was hungry or not anymore, so I didn't eat. Ash finished up too and then Charlie, so we went back to his place.

Ash and I cuddled up on the couch while Charlie worked on his final (they both go to Full Sail so they have these massive as all get out computer art projects they have to do), and she and I watched Ratatouille, which is a cute movie I think. After that we sat on the computers for a while, I wrote up the blog from last night, and then I was about exhausted. She still wasn't ready for bed and I didn't want to go alone, so we played some old PS2 game 'Maestro,' which wasn't that bad but I was sleepy and not good at keeping time anyway.

I ended up falling asleep on her and then I was in and out for the rest of the night. I know at one point she asked if I wanted to go back, but I didn't want to be a burden and make her go back to the apartment, just because I was tired of Charlie and not being alone with her. So I said it was up to her.

"Well, I want to do what you want to do."

"I'm not picky."

So she stayed, ate a little and I fell asleep. About 3 o'clock I was woken up by the tv doing one of those emergency alarm things they do that are so annoying and I heard Charlie say that it was going to go on until 4, and Ash said 'oh hell no.' I drifted off again and then Ash woke me up around 5 o'clock and asked me if I wanted to go back to the apartment, to which I looked around blearily and said yes.

So we left, in a hurry. Felt more like we were escaping and she mentioned that too. Well come to find out, she had WANTED to go. She likes Charlie fine but he's a little clingy and is lacking in friends (37 year old Nazi going to a school of mostly 18-24 year olds? I'm not surprised...), and so she really just prefers him in moderation. Well damn, if she could have dropped that hint somewhere along the way we could have been the fuck out of there HOURS ago. Lmao

But we go back to her place, greet the kitty, and my ass goes back to bed. She stays up to talk on the phone with her useless boyfriend and I don't REALLY know what happened but they didn't seem to be very happy for a while. I had thought I heard my name a few times, so I start worrying maybe I'm starting to bug her. We've never been 'trapped' in the same place for so long before, except a weekend vacation in St. Augustine where we hung in the RV for about 4 days. She comes in finally around 6 and I ask her if I'm starting to get on her nerves and she assures me I'm not and she's just happy to have me around, and I say I'm glad.

We sleep.

Wake up. Hrm, what time is it? She checks the clock and it's 2 in the afternoon.


I have NEVER slept in that late. THAT was a feat. I think the latest I can get is 11 before I start feeling too lazy and get moody, but actually SLEEPING until 2? Holy shit. So we get up and I shower and we finish off the left over food, then she worked on homework a little and we've spent the rest of the day watching South Park on the computer (seems to be her new favorite show).

Right now she's napping and I'm still chilling. We've decided we're going to go eat at Chili's because I am in no mood to cook and we're both still damn exhausted. I figure I'll give her another 15 minutes, because she wanted to take a shower and I want to eat at a reasonable hour.

Because of her schedule we'll actually get to go home a day earlier, which will be so nice, and the original plan as worked out again, just earlier. On the 20th she's finished with classes, so we'll leave in the afternoon, get a hotel and chill in St. Augustine all day. I called my manager and explained I need to work on the 21st now and not the 22nd and he said cool. So I'll work and we'll go home. She doesn't have a ride BACK to Orlando, and I would but mom really wants me to stay home longer and personally, I do too. I love Ash to death, but I'm missing my family and having someone to cook FOR ME, instead of vice versa xD Ash would but...well... she's not much of a cook lol

In any case, I'm going to chill a bit more then wake her up, then we'll eat. As for tonight? Who knows, it may be early to bed again.

So last night Ash and I had planned to get drunk, because she had never been drunk and by golly, I was just in the mood. So we spend the whole day either hanging out or her going to school. 9 pm I made supper and then around 10:30 we got the call from her friends saying he was out of class and had the kahlua and we could stop by.

MY idea of what we were going to do was that we would get the kahlua, then go back to her place. Apparently that wasn't the case.

So we get to this friends house and I'm thinking a kid around 21 or 22, again not the case. Some guy in his thirties opens the door and I'm thinking 'woe, holy shit.' But it's a friend of Ash's and she's frightfully picky about people she hangs out with, so I go along with it and we all sit down and just start talking, another guy shows up, continue talking then the guy in his thirties, Charlie, makes me a glass of kahlua and gives Ash a smirnoff. Now all those lessons back in LMS about never drinking with people you don't know is coming back to me, buuuut again, Ash would never put me in a position of uber danger.

SO! I have my first glass, yum, she spills her bottle of smirnoff, and then tries to play it off like she's been drinking. Uh-huh, yeah we caught her in that lie. Charlie goes out and gets snack foods and more ice, and we start playing some card game called 'Skip-Bo,' which for someone who then has a glass and a half of kahlua in her is a surprisingly difficult game. But Ash was still a bit more sober than myself and she helped me out and the game was lots of fun. We played Uno. Then I was starting my third glass of kahlua and Ash was sharing it with me, then got her own glass (by then she had finished her second bottle of Smirnoff).

So I'm drunk to the point I have to snuggle against the wall to find my way to the bathroom. I come back out and we start playing drinking games, which I had never done and thought since I was drunk, WHY NOT?! We played House (oodles of fun) and Fuck Your Neighbor (not as much fun as House). I noticed Ash really didn't seem to be getting drunk at all, which was a little irritating because it's not all that much fun being the only real drunk person at the party.

Soooo we ganged up on her in House, especially me. Somewhere along the line Charlie was talking about how he can't discus politics when he's drinking with people because things always get heated. I say 'oh well that's the same for my sister and her boyfriend, she's a Republican, him a Democrat. It goes crazy.' And he says 'yeah...kind of like that, but not quite the same. It's a little different.'

Different how?

Well, I'm a socialist.

Like Barack Obama socialist?

He kinda winces and shakes his head and I'm wondering what the fuck could be worse than Obama? Ash picks me up and guides me to his room and it was like a non-violent scene from 'American History X.' There's Nazi flags on the walls, swastikas, there's a little figurine of Hitler in a box, armbands, all that jazz. And my first thought is 'oh, fuck. He's a Nazi, weird, he hasn't ACTED like a Nazi. Only an occasional black joke here or there, no different than me.'

So I come back out and he's explaining no no no, he's not a Nazi and he's entirely against what happened to the Jews, but the ideals behind the National Socialist party, yes, he does agree.

Okay. And he hasn't been all that violent, very pleasant, not crazy. The entire night he hasn't pushed us to drink, and insisted if we want to stop, by all means please stop. No pressure. Very cool. What the fuck? I'm in college, I'll meet interesting people.

So BACK to drinking and playing House. By now Ash and I are on Strawberry Banana daiquiris. And I realize, okay, my stomach starting to feel a little meh, it's time to stop. So Ash and I agree we're finish and we all sit down to watch South Park, and I cuddle up with Ash and it's all good and nice, and we're watching South Park and laughing. Things were dandy, I drifted in and out.


Then Ash got up and ran to the bathroom. I paid no mind and fell asleep again, only to wake up and realize she's still not back. Hrm. Curious much. So I crawl up off the couch and stumble to the bathroom and she's snuggling the toilet bowl. Uh-oh...

So Ash was sick the rest of the night, and I woke up with a hang-over. But still, I have some lucky hang overs. My head was hurting and I was VERY tired, I'm always VERY tired on a hang over. Ash, well...she hang overs the same way my brother hang overs: throwing up a LOT.

So we spent the day hung over, very uncomfortable and a little grouchy. But things are finally settling down. Ash took a LONG nap and when she got up was feeling better. Me, it goes back and forward. But tomorrow I'm greatly anticipating. Just sitting in her apartment, chilling and doing nothing except her working on finals and maybe rping with me when she gets bored of working on her final.

SO. The drinking was fun, very fun. Ash swears she'll never drink again for a long long time, rightfully so, I don't particularly feel like drinking again for a while. I think a big problem for Ash was the fact it was her first time drinking heavily, she was mixing various drinks, and then the fact she wasn't drinking for fun, so much as to try and impress us. Not necessarily the best thing to do when drinking, but eh...

All in all it WAS a good night and I've enjoyed it, though I thoroughly anticipate bed, and tomorrow of laziness.

It's like me to have something even semi-good fall into my lap and be question it, but that's just how I roll.

I've liked my best friends for a while, especially when she told me she liked me in that kind of way and maybe we should cuddle up more together and be a bit more affectionate at school. It sounded cool to me. Then she got her boyfriend, but her wanting to be with my physically didn't necessarily stop either. I remember us making out one time at least after she had started dating the dumb ass. And you know what? I just felt plain stupid (and tired because it was the middle of the night), because she's having an affair on her boyfriend with me.

That's wrong.

So I decided I really didn't care for being The Other Woman and that way really the end of things. Until last night. We had had SUCH a good day. We woke up, got breakfast, went to St. Augustine and wandered around the mall all day, had lunch, went back to the apartment, made brownies and wrote out the blueprints for our comics for a few hours.

Then when we go to bed we start talking (as girls are to do once they go to bed) and she asks if I still have feelings for her and I say 'of course!' and says she still has them for me and no matter what shes drawn to me. And I get this weird feeling in my stomach, it's like a mixture of delight and discomfort, weird much. So she says how she still really wants to be with me and I say: "yeah but your boyfriend would be pissed."

"Well, nothing saying he HAS to know."

Okay. That, my friends, is defined as cheating, and making me The Other Woman again. I love my best friend to death, but I DON'T want to be The Other Woman. I want to actually be in a relationship with someone, not the person they turn to occasionally.

And then the really tough part is that my sex drive just doesn't make sense. I mean, I can never tell with her because she never seems necessarily interested in sex, but then she wants to make out and maybe touch and play and I'm like 'let's just kiss and cuddle.' My sex drive doesn't stay constant or anything. It goes off and on, I could really want it all the time for maybe three or so weeks, and then for a month I'm really just not THAT in the mood. Maybe it'll change if I ever do find someone to be with like that, but right now, eh, sex just isn't THAT important to me, compared to just the actual relationship with a person.

So what am I supposed to do. I mean, I like her, I really think I do, and I'll admit I often daydream about us being together as a couple and if it's anything like it is now it wouldn't be half bad I don't think, but it's no good if she's not going to break up with her boyfriend. I don't want her to be with me like that if it's just to scratch her lesbian itch.

And it's not like the week has been ruined by this or anything. Her friend's going to buy us a bottle of Kahlua because she's curious what it tastes like and we both think it'd be interesting to be drunk together (wow, in this blog that sounds like a recipe for trouble), and we still plan to just chill and do our usual thing.

It's just, I find it so frustrating that in thought I don't mind her cheating on her stupid boyfriend for me, but in the long run I just couldn't do that to him, even if I don't like him. That's just too low for me and it makes me feel a bit like shit that she's cool with experimenting with me but she wont consider leaving the deadbeat.

=( *Sad*

And it was an easy enough drive. Ash (my best friend) is a little upset because he school just threw a curve ball at her, so most of the week she's going to be in classes from 9-1 and then 5-9, which is a bit of a bitch because it means we wont get AS much time together, and because she only has one key I'm kind of sort of stuck in the apartment, or I can't really go driving anyway. I figure it's a good chance to write, and it'll make it so we're not overloading each other with our company. I know how close quarters can start to grate on people, at least me.

I did take the cable box and whatnot, and I made sure the roommate saw me doing that and heard me, because despite the fact she was in bed she was awake. Well I get to Orlando and there's tons of text messages and calls on my phone and she's freaked out and even called my parents wanting them to contact me so she can know where the cable box is at.

So, end result is that when I put my name on the box, I put my name on the deposit, but it's her social security number on the box so it's hers. What the fuck ever. I at least had a victory in I caused her panic, and I still demanded my deposit on the box back.

"Uhm, no, you gave that for the fridge.."

"Yeah but I only used the fridge for half a semester."

*heavy sigh* At least I get fifty bucks back from this whole ordeal, and the end result is I'm away from her, for good, except when I get my fifty back. I just cooked supper for Ash, a mexican casserole and it turned out pretty good, though I'm not at all used to her kitchen, it's a small apartment. In any case, I'm waiting for her to finish her homework and then we'll cook chocolate chip scones and role play, because we haven't had a good one in forever.

Hurrah

It'll be tomorrow in *looks at clock* FIVE AND A HALF HOURS. And and.. I don't care if I get sleep tonight, because I can always sleep tomorrow night, with my bf. WOOOOH!

*Runs around screaming*

I sure as hell don't now. So today is my three finals. Last night she comes in at a reasonable hour and we go to bed at the same time. Then she starts snoring.

Fuck.

She snores loud. I need sleep for these finals. So in my half awake state when she started getting loud I said her name, and she stopped. My brain goes: ooh! So everytime she got loud I would say her name and tell her to stop snoring. We did this from 12-4 in the morning, when she snapped because I kept waking her up too (why should I be the only one losing sleep?)

"Don't you think if I could stop it I would?! Why don't you go invest in some ear plugs so I don't have to hear you whining my name all night?"

I wish I had told her to shut the fuck up, but I was exhausted to the point I was too tired to even sleep (I hate when that happens) and I explained to her I had finals and I needed sleep or I may not pass.

"Well that's not MY problem."


Oooh...cunt. So I got two-ish more hours of sleep and had to get up, when my foot said 'hello, fuck you!' again. Well she happens to be up and notices me stumbling around.

"Oh the infirmary is just down the hall! Do you need my help? I can drive you to the hospital, just call me if you need me!"

Uhm, okay. So my academic status isn't your problem but a bum foot is? And she hasn't noticed me in pain the past three days anyway?! I tell her I'm fine on my own and go to my computer class. When I get finished I see I have a text from her:

"hey I wanted to make sure u got here ok but ur not ere, u going too the hospital? R u ok to drive? Let me know if u need me to take u?"

wtf bitch? Make up your damn mind!


One an a half more days and I'm fucking GONE. Now I'm going to Starbucks to study for my finals tomorrow and then I'll go to my sign language one. I am so in the mood for some hot coco. T-T

Is when they take place, because by the end of the semester I've become lethargic and barely give a damn. I know I should stress and worry, but why? I know about as much as I'm going to, why deprive myself of sleep?

In any case. I have three tomorrow and I look forward to them being finished. Tomorrow is computers, child psyche and sign language. Sign language I'm not worried about. I know ASL, no biggie. Tuesday is Statistics (one I'm really scared of) and Substance Abuse. Wednesday will be Psyche of Personality. Then I can leave.

The girl that's going to be taking my place in this room just came by and asked when I was moving out. I told her Wednesday and that's when she's moving out too, so she's gotta get her stuff in. Well... I can't do much. I told her she's welcome to put things in the closet or wherever and I can get my shit in a corner somewhere, I don't mind, but she says no, she'll wait until Wednesday. Oookay, you're choice.

I moved out some of my things today. A backpack, the two larger suitcases, and some of my shoes and the clothes on hangers. All I've got now is a suitcase and some odds and ends.

I went Christmas shopping today, so I'm broke again =) Bummer.

Outside that, nothing new. Just want this week over and done.

So I've only had one really bad day at Flagler so far. The kind of day where I couldn't stop crying and everything was miserable and I wanted nothing more than to be home again with dad at my side making sure things got taken care of. That was the day Publix informed me I had been 'administratively fired' and I found myself without a job and I had no other real source of income. That was fixed, bad day over.

Today was the second one, and it's not going to be fixed in a day. It started YESTERDAY though. I woke up and got out of bed and my foot was very tender. I thought this was curious but 'eh,' not to worry. Everyone said I had probably slept on it wrong. I went through my day, forgetting to turn in a powerpoint project for my Computer Class, one that I had done practically all the work on and presented Wednesday. But, no biggie.

I went to bed, and all was good.

I woke up this morning, climbed out of bed, and my foot gave up. It hurt too much to stand on it. I thought 'uh-oh, not good.' I would go to the walk-in clinic, no biggie. So I go and realize just how damn much my foot hurts and I have no idea what's wrong. A little scary because I've never broken a bone before in my life. Been bruised and cut and whatnot, but never broken. So I hobble three or four blocks and get to the parking garage and drive to the walk-in clinic, talking to dad on the phone on the way to explain the situation and how rather scared I am. I didn't realize I was scared until he asked 'What happened?' and all I could say is: I don't know.

Well. Walk-in clinic was closed. They wont be open until Monday. Eh, okay. Sucks, but I'll put up with my foot hurting. Until dad asks if it's swelling and I take it out of my ballet slipper to see, yes... it is indeed swelling. Dad mentions it could be an infection, look for puncture wounds. I see none but I don't know for SURE. Then he says 'spider bite.'

My family has a thing for spider bites. My mother was bit on the forehead by a brown recluse and my brother by one as well, so I could see it happening to me, but then wouldn't have things happened faster? Maybe not a brown recluse, but another spider, one that I'm just having uber alergic reaction to? Okay, go to the emergency room. I might miss work.

This is when I cried. Because I hadn't been to work in so long and I felt like such a pussy calling in saying 'hey, my foot hurts, I might be late.' So I'm a pussy-shit worker now, I'm scared because I don't know what's wrong and the stupid walk-in clinic isn't open and I don't know where the fucking hospital is...

*Sob*

*Sobs a few more times*

*One more big sob*

*Checks in the mirror and sees she looks like shit*

*Has another sob*

So dad gets on the phone again to talk about some more things and he guides me to the hospital. I hobble in and fill out paperwork and realize my toesies are feeling a little but numbsies. I finally get invited in and I'm freaking out still because this is all new to me. I take off my shoe for the doctor and see my toes look a little darker, or is that my imagination? The tips are tingling.

The doctor tests and bends my foot this way and that and decides I probably have a hairline fracture, an x-ray would do us no good. He tells me ice, motrin, and stay the fuck off of it. I think 'shit, I can't, gotta go to work.' So I explain to him:

"Uhm, see, I work today as a cashier--"

"*Condescending tone anyone would use on a teenager mentioning work* Do you want the day off?"

"No!"

I ask him what he thinks of me going in and he says he would not recommend it, but if I need the money, just try to stay off it best I can.

I go back to the car, call mom and dad and tell them the news, have another good cry and drive back to get my clothes. Back in the dorm room I'm checking various sites and I go to one that has my grades posted. I see I suddenly have a D in my computer class where I had a B. Apparently despite ALL the work put into that project, the simple act of not submitting it online (though she SAW everything else) warrants me a ZERO and a FAIL of the class. So I email the teacher and explain my situation and all the work I put into it. Can't I turn it in one day late and lose points, rather than just FAIL and get NOTHING because she couldn't see it on the stupid my.flagler site? Come on.

So I go to work in a rotten mood, but try to cheer up. I'm fine for the first...hour. Then the pain starts. I'm not supposed to be on this foot but I push it because I need the damn money. My assistant manager is sympathetic and he keeps asking if I'm doing okay. Finally I just couldn't do it anymore. It was getting harder to maintain sweet tones and pleasant smiles for the customers and I knew that there was no fucking way I could do it anymore. So I asked to go home, feeling like a useless dumb ass. I lasted six hours but damn that was about five too many.

So now my foot hurts and I feel effectively like shit. If my foot was in bad shape before it sure as hell is now. So what I plan to do is stay off it as much as I can. Get some good and watch a video or two and have maybe another cry before I go to bed.

Fucking shitty day.


On the brightside: only 3 more days at Flagler.

Is what I have left in this hell room. I've decided to go ahead and say that I think I will be very happy in my new room. We all seem to click just right, though I'm not living there yet I truly think it's going to work out fine. I went in today to grab one thing and ended up staying for three hours just talking with them. It's very nice.

To emphasis how eager I am, I have everything pretty much packed up, minus four days of clothes, toiletries, books for studying, and bedding. Everything else is either in a suite case or a bag of some type. I am so desperate to be gone from this place. I don't know how I'm going to be able to last through two days of work and two days of finals (plus Wednesday morning). I'm just wanting to be out and away from my useless roommate. I have to get her to sign some paperwork before I go entrusting the cleanliness of the room to her. Since I'm leaving two days earlier than we're supposed to be gone, that least two days up to her entirely and if she trashes the room before then, I don't want to get fined. And she doesn't even have to trash the room, if she just puts some shit in my desk, I'm fined fifty dollars.

Not cool.

Of course, it also means the bathroom has to be clean. I don't mind cleaning up my messes in there, but the fact is a lot of the mess in there, is hers. The trash in there SHE'S filled up, I haven't contributed at all. The hair on the floor: hers. I don't shed that much, nor is my hair brown. But the shower and my sink I'll gladly clean! *Grumble*

In either case, I'll start taking down my luggage a little bit at a time and organizing it in my car, making sure I have enough room for me and my best friend when I take her home.

Now all I have to do is hope the roomie goes to bed at a reasonable hour so I can have enough sleep for work tomorrow, useless sack of shit that she is. *shrugs* Alas!

Here's another one of my signing. This one is 'Seasons of Love' from Rent.

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