a starr reborn's Blog - page 20

He seemed so cold and distant,
To simple conversation appeared resistant,
A beautiful man of the open range,
One I never hoped to change,
Bearded and with skin ruddy brown,
Eyes deep pools of thought in which I could drown,
But I held this feeling deep within,
All I wanted was for us to be at least friends,
IN my dreams I imagined him under lone star skies,
Setting up camp and being serenaded by wolfen cries,
A man used to being on his own,
A man with boots he walked in alone,
In my dream I was lost and wandering,
I came upon him sitting before a camp fire pondering,
His face not seen beneath a coal black Stetson,
Motionless "He said " I bet you're cold I reckon".
With a nod of the head he offered me a seat,
I sat down trying to get close to the heat,
We struck up a conversation short at first,
I could feel an energy ready to burst,
As the embers of the fire began to die,
He stood up went into his tent with a sigh,
The flap still open, I didn't know what do,
Cowboy don't walk away, I'm not here to hurt you,
I'm not good at guessing can't you tell,
Do you want me to go or stay a spell.

I know that you stare at me as I’m walking,
Behind my back I can hear you talking,
Damn, “He’s so big, so wide.”
No loose clothing can hide,
All of that, all of that fat,
I feel sorry for wherever he sat,
Is it him, or an earthquake,
Look at his stomach jiggle and shake,
Lookin’ all swollen like he got stung by a whole hive of bees,
And then you stop out of so-called pity,
That I might hear what you say,
But I’ve heard it all many a yesterday,
Those words stung me as a child,
I hid my pain behind a glass smile,
I would stand for hours in front of a mirror,
Turning every which and feeling inferior,
The fat kid always picked last,
The one constantly suggested to fast,
Not looking different no matter how I squinted my eyes,
And then it hit me, I realized,
That I am thick, I am heavy,
Like a damn protecting a levy,
Filled to the brim with inspiration,
Held in check by determination,
Yes I am bursting at the seams,
But from the fullness of expectant dreams,
With an understanding compassion,
That I don’t need to covet or ration,
All who come will be full at my table,
I will give knowledge and comfort while I’m able,
The rhymes, songs and poems I put out,
Tell people what I am all about,
And overall then you will come to know,
Just how heavy is the heart with love it doesn’t need to borrow,
Heavy with thoughts and knowledge joy and sorrow has bought,
From the schemes of life they have been wrought,
But in reality I am light and carefree,
You can just be yourself with me,
If I can accept you as I am no better or worse,
Your life is just as valid as mine in the cosmic verse,
I sway bounce to my own beat,
Feeling steady on my soul’s feet,
I am heavy knowing I love sweets,
Sweet touches and candy licks I seek,
But I’m also moved by forces intangible,
Making me at times not understandable,
Because I am heavy I don’t care about time,
Accepting your body out of its prime,
You don’t have to be stereotypically perfect for me,
Because I gladly bear that weight which seems so heavy,
I can bear your fears and pain like the earth bears rain,
Having concern for you is not a strain,
I am heavy with love, more than enough for just one,
Pulling with an undeniable gravity as attractive as the sun,
Appreciating that thick describes my chest, my hair, my lips,
Not flimsy but strong movement from my soul and my hips,
And I realize that most people’s eyes will despise,
What they can’t understand or conceptualize,
And it’s all right as one heavy brother marches lives this stage,
Putting his weight in his mark on this millennium’s page.

I don't know what exactly comes over me,
Your effect on my world is like a tsunami,
Drenching me from my feet up to my thighs,
Washing over my arms and chest beyond my eyes,
I forget about my troubles any past lies,
You are a breath of air, you make me feel baptized,
Your gaze on me feels like roman candles sparks,
Raining down on my skin, flashes of passion in the dark,

You make me dream in the middle of the day,
Just your touch makes me forget what I was about to say,
Running my tongue across my hungry lips,
Trying to recapture the hint of our intimate trips,
You make me lay in bed writhing just from the memory,
OF all the other world things you do to me,
You make me move to a melody no one else hears,
You make me moist inside even when you're not near,

You make me want to be your lover of destiny,
A single second of your love is worth an eternity,
You make me believe in a higher power,
You make me have to take cold showers,
Your touch, your smell, your feel your taste,
Make me do work right and hurry home in haste,
You make me leave the door open while I'm laying on my bed,
Clutching my sheets, fantasies so sweet inside my head,

You make me die and resurrect from kiss to kiss,
You make me no longer crave heaven's bliss,
You make me stay up late and smile when I sleep at night,
You make me want to see the new day's earliest light,
You make me cling to you like life does to breath,
YOU make me, oohh, you make me say yes, until nothing is left.

Its finally come to this,
NO matter how I tried to resist,
The hand writing scribbled around,
The curtain is finally coming down,
On what could've been,
True romance without end,
But you listened to those friends,
Who called this gift a sin,
Sought out love they would approve,
don't ever say I pushed you away you moved,

Now I can feel that cold familiar wind,
No no no why has it come again,
Scraping across a wound that won't mend,
This betrayal, I cannot pretend,
Doesn't hurt me so deep within,
Can you hear it, rest a moment take it in,
Yes that's the sound of my heart breaking,

I remember riding with you,
Underneath skies wide open and blue,
Hands raised fingers caressing the air,
I was a soul, finally free without a care,
You said you knew how much it took,
For me to speak to you and not just look,
To reveal my inner thoughts to you,
TO say love you unquestioning, is all I want to do,
You can't erase the memory from my mind,
I can't say I'm deaf, dumb or blind,
You took my love for granted, did the forsaken,
Now a dream I thought we shared is breaking,

Go on, break away,
Take with you any excuse you'd say,
You destroyed our yesterdays,
The heart of love you have slain,
Through a river of tears I'll wade,
And no I won't cower in the shade,
The mistake was one you made,
But its all right, quite okay,
You helped break me into a brand new brighter day

Rain drop thoughts,
Satin blue draped moon,
Burning rose fragrant candles,
Fantasies trickle down like sweat,
Alone and naked, memories coax me,
The room melts with my desire,
Body swaying as if held by those arms,
Hips pressed against mine, lips to my ear,
Liquid words slide slowly into my head,
I hear the rhythm of ancestors commune with nature,
Legs spread accommodating Osiris,
Trembling thighs, tight closed eyes,
Volcanoes purge as tides rush in,
Exchanging pieces of one another,
I crave for nothing more than what is before me,
Your body moved by your soul rewrites my story,
Panting, gasping, ranting, moaning, chanting,
Higher than the roof of heaven,
Exploring depths inside me further than below the sea floors,
Whining, crying, dining, sighing, pining for what you give,
Graciously, voraciously, searching within each clinch,
To pleasure me , treasure me with each inch,
Clutching me, touching, never hushing or rushing me,
Allowing me the peace in release inside your care,
Free and unashamed to be unclothed, bare,
Body limp, spent, exhausted after given a glimpse,
Aware of you next to me, your tender stare,
Caressing my face with tender kisses as I fall into bliss,
I awake with one thought, alone,
Left alone to stare at your guitar,
To clutch the shirt you left behind,
Swaying to your serenade,
Burning rose and fragrant candles

Each drop of rain,
That hits against my windowpane,
Is like the strike of a drum,
To the ears of a mind soaked in rum,
The room is hazy, Mary Jane’s curtains are drawn,
The cool wall of aloofness is gone,
And I find myself carried away,
By the music my discman plays,
Wishing I was there to witness this session,
To view in person the one extracting this confession,
Wondering what it was like when you first played,
Unselfconscious, your charms provocatively displayed,
How did you sit, make portions drool,
Gazing into your eyes to surmise your style’s fuel,
And getting lost in the deepest pools of luminescent green,
This undeserving soul has ever seen,
On the surface smooth, serene reflections,
But underneath a warm intense complexion,
A face and body, lean that constantly has cravings,
But checked by a mind that stops you from misbehaving,
A passion just blooming, a rising heat,
Lips the possessor of an elixir so sweet,
Carried away cradled by an image and a melody,
Angelic progeny of flesh, divinity and serendipity,
In person the perfect picture of calm and reserve,
Rarely shaken, or unnerved,

Soft spoken, casual spiritualist,
Considerate, thoughtful, amiable conversationalist,
And yet what hides behind those glasses,
Musical stimulation, religious passions, carnal masses,
The unassuming player behind bookish frames,
Whose innate sensuality you have yet to tap and claim,
Center of a universe full of explosive possibilities,
An expectant scape of endless creativity,
With words and secrets delivered by your lips,
Flesh, metal and time molded by your fingertips,
A daydream I so desire it becomes real,
A fantasy so yearned for the body can feel,
If I could make you feel the sensations I do around you,
I’d never worry about getting rid of the blues,
I’m ready, never obtrusive but unrelenting if given free reign,
Leaving you satisfied, content, drained,
To appreciate each breath of a moment it’s true,
All I want, desire is you.

I flee society,
Stares and words cling like bee stings,
I am not known here,
southern oasis,
time seems to stand still somehow,
I drown in your eyes,
glances at a distance,
Smiles and nods are insistence,
Fireworks flash glances,
Chords of southern drawl,
Warmth, denim, fingertips, skin
The moon watches guard,
your touch ensnares time,
I moan, clutch, scream whisper, cry,
hold me like gravity,
soft parting glances,
dimples 'neath a dusty Stetson,
I am now conflicted,
two worlds one shaky bridge,
I walk 4 lonesome miles

Its a lazy hazy Saturday,
The grass is swaying birds are playing,
Care free clouds swim in powder blue skies,
The sun limbos between the earth and outer space,
I stroll amid sweet smelling flowers and butterflies,
Feeling the heavens kiss upon my smiling face,
I spread my arms feel the winds gossamer charms,
All my troubles are long gone as I sing a song,

Normally when we see,
Skyscraping mountains and low draping valleys,
We think of the constant strife that comes with life,
But today they are a beautiful piece of tapestry,
Highs and lows like ebbs and flows are existence's wife,
Death gives living a stronger meaning in the Odyssey,
Live and love each day as if another might not come your way,
Give don't shove & say to your brother I love you come what may,

Just imagine the dream come true,
We shake off these shackles me and you,
What could multiply from just us two,
Like seeds freed growing no one knowing,
Exactly the going until all over its showing,
The beautiful harmonious glowing flowing,
Unlocked spirits no longer fear this,
Money and drama we no longer miss,
Floating as light as a butterfly’s' kiss,

A breath away but worlds apart,
Our eyes the stepping stones,
YOU broke the barrier of silence,
Simple words speaking volumes,
When your hand first touched my shoulder,
I felt like we were much older acquaintances,
Laughter was not ready but smiles could escape,
Shy glances that searched like moon lit rays into the night,
Among the resting place of those who had passed,
We would talk and simply communicate in silence,
Some things are not spoken with words but sight and touch,
I could speak in the lighted world but did not care to be seen,
You were like grass, present and swaying happily under winds and sunshine,
Do you remember that one revelation in July,
Bitter word written on a stall at school , etched in my mind,
My soul bled, a wound that no handkerchief could bandage,
I ran, but not far enough to get away from myself,
I wallowed in my self-loathing, thinking of escape plans,
You snuck through my window, knowing you were always welcome,
I remember you picking me up, pushing me into the bathroom,
Wrapping your arms like a living blanket around me,
To place me in front of the mirror, your chin nudging me to look forward,
I looked at my reflection, but saw it in your eyes,
Startled by love in living prisms saying I needed no alibi,
Watching one shimmering tear of affection slide down your cheek,
Landing on my shoulder, reminding me of heaven's tears,
Feeling the liquid warmth of you soak through my shirt into my heart,
I slightly turned to look into your beautiful windows,
As if calling to one another our eyes and lips met,
I knew this was right, I left behind any and all my regrets.

It was such a coincidence,
Fate smiled on me the instant,
I saw you standing there in line,
Damn, you were so fine,
Body a little moist from summer heat,
Lips looking like a candy treat,
And your big soft gleaming eyes,
Made a brother stop and realize,
There is a heaven somewhere,
And an angel is missing there,
What else could you be,
A wave of warm comfort upon me,
But there was fear and hesitation,
At my introductory presentation,
As I started walking over too you,
I wondered what to say and do,
And there I was at your side,
So many emotions and thoughts inside,
And then I came up with “hey”,
And you didn’t look my way,
I was simply mortified,
How my hope sunk inside,
But maybe you just didn’t hear me,
We were outside, and traffic was heavy,
So I tried to catch your eyes,
And much to my surprise,
When I did, when I did,
Your smile was not hid,
So I began conversating,
For a response I was waiting,
Then I had to recalibrate my mind,
Once you started to sign,
I felt so bad, and such a fool,
I basically lost my cool,
Got flustered and walked away,
I’ve been thinking about you every day,
Your soft hair and beautiful smile,
Those eyes I’d bathe in for a while,
Scared because you couldn’t speak,
Fear made the feelings weak,
I have been past that place again,
But haven’t seen you there since then,
I now have the ability to talk to you,
But will my message get through?