clittylicker's Blog - page 13

A teacher is talking about science to her 3rd grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand.
"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, and went Fffff, Fffff, Fffff... but before he could say 'F u c k', the Rottweiler ate him'.

Well folks, I'm off to work again tomorrow - going to Oz for 3 weeks or so. Not sure whether I'll be able to get on line, methinks probably not.

Gonna spend a couple of days in Perth on the way back (2nd - 4th Oct) and I'm gonna catch up with the bitch & the wench hahahaha. Hopefully see Sir & Lady F too.

Be good while I'm gone (or take lotsa sexy pics)

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. While I was at the local shopping centre, they left a little note on the windscreen which said ‘Parking Fine.’ Wasn’t that nice of them?

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?".
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens
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"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."

"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"

"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you", replies the heavenly voice.

"Sounds great."

"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.

"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God:

"Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

I just had to throw a carton of muesli in the rubbish cos it was out of date, does that make me a cereal killer?

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and 'survival of the pack mentality' bred into the canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator.



Not for the squeamish
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Happy Monday everyone - have a great week!!!

A woman goes to a doctor and says "I have a flatulence problem but what's interesting is they're silent with no odor. In fact since I've been in your office I've broken wind 10 times”.

The doctor gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a week. Days later the woman returns to the doctor's office furious.

She says "These pills don't work! Not only do I still have a silent flatulence problem but now they stink".

"Good", says the doc, "we fixed your sinuses, now for your hearing".