NICKNAMES:
• If Laura, Kate & Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate & Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave & John go out for lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
EATING OUT
• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave & John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need because it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
• A man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
• Men wake up as good looking as when they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget all his faults, mistakes and other shortcomings. There is no point in two people remembering the same thing.
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