dendawg's Blog

Just got a call from GF's mom, and apparently the surgery wasn't as major as I was led to believe. She'll be coming home sometime this week.

I just found out thru my GF's sister's facebook page that she had surgery sometime today for a staph infection. Crap! I'm so scared and trying not to panic right now.

Sorry for not posting for so long folks....just haven't had much to post.

GF is (hopefully temporarily) checking out of inpatient PT to consult with her doctors regarding discoloration of where her shunts were put. We both fear it's staph. I hope that she doesn't need surgery again, because this would be a big setback from all the progress she's made.

I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's extremely hard after staying with my mom for over six months now.

I'll update soon as I hear something. Hopefully it's good news, cause I don't know how much more bad I can take.

Well this is all fun.

Girlfriend is in phys. therapy for the foreseeable future, and her stepdad is in another hosp for diverticulitis since last monday.

The ironic part of this is that her mom was going to take a look at housing for us the day before stepdad got sick.

I can't exactly go down there and take care of things myself, cause I only have enough to make a round trip there and back, and would basically have no place to stay in the meantime.

fml.

Since I've posted my story, some people (not here) have said that everything that's happened to me so far is karma, and that I deserve all that I'm getting, and more. To them, I say this: you don't know the complete story, nor do you know what drove me to do what I did.

The primary reason I did what I did is that my soon to be ex-wife kept insisting, in a "joking" fashion, that I was going to leave her for another woman. Not just once, but the ENTIRE ten years we were together. That, plus her paranoia that I was cheating on her, for not a single month went by that I was not "jokingly" accused of doing it. In a very real sense, I feel I was driven to do it.

I know to some of you, that's a weak justification, but it is what it is. I may have been just as cruel in some of my remarks to her over the years, but at least I apologized and tried to make amends. Not once did my ex EVER apologize for her accusations, or her "jokes." If I got what I deserved, then so did she.

I was in 7th grade when this happened. There was this one guy who for some reason or other decided he hated me, and was pretty brutal verbally. Eventually I ran into him in the hallway one day going to class, and, being the asshole he was, decided to block my way. The following exchange ensueed:

*I tried to move out of bully's way, and he moved with me.*

Bully: Where are you going?

*I stayed silent*

Bully: Well? Say something, faggot!

Me(deadpan): Something, faggot.

*Bully gets cat-butt face*

Bully: I'm gonna kick your ass!

We had a few more run-ins after that, where him being bigger, managed to push me around some, but never truly kicked my ass.

Update:

For those of you who may or may not know, my GF's been in inpatient phys. therapy for some time, and we recently discovered that she's been having bladder problems due to her first surgery, and may have to rely on catheters for the rest of her life. I was upset that I may not have been able to come down if she had to pay for them out of pocket, but it turns out that's not the case, as her medicaid will cover it.

Ever since I've moved back in with my mom, I've been getting more and more depressed about my situation.

First, the housing authority in Alabama required me to go down and apply in person, which I was unable to do due to lack of funds, Then my GF has her first surgery and goes home. After that she ends up having to go back due to an infection, and now she's in inpatient physical therapy.

I begrudge her none of this. However, I'm not able to go down there and help to fix this situation, and I feel simultaneously helpless and hopeless. One of the few things that gives me any hope at all is her optimism.

I can't for the life of me imagine any deity that would be cruel enough to tear us apart for eternity. I need a miracle!

Since about Dec. 2008, my life's been one big roller coaster.

Basically my (then) wife was experiencing chest pains and thought she was having a heart attack. I didn't recognize the symptoms, and we had a small argument over that while waiting for the ambulance. She never forgave me for it, and things basically went downhill from there. I tried to make amends for my mistake, but there's only so many times one can try.

This all came to a head about August of last year, when she told me that she was going to Missouri with her mother to visit an old friend of hers, and I was told that I wasn't welcome because she wanted to get away from me for those few days. I was also told that I wouldn't be welcome because I couldn't drive and didn't have much money to spare to contribute to the trip. The ironic part being that I was so broke all the time because 3/4 of my paycheck went toward making the car payment.

It was about then that I found myself on a chat site. Utherverse, for those that are curious. I wasn't looking for anything to happen, but happen it did. I actually found myself talking to someone that loved me for what I am. Not for what I could be or what I was. She accepted me for me. It wasn't long before the wife put two and two together, and I was told that there was zero chance of reconciliation, and I could stay for as long as it took to get a bus ticket. Beyond that, I was persona non grata.

So at Christmas week, I left to go be with the girl I met online. Unfortunately, due to bad planning on both our parts, I really had no place to go to, and I ended up staying at a rat-hole motel for about a week while we tried to make arrangements. Nothing went out way, and eventually I had to take a bus to Cincinnati, where I'm at my mom's while my new girlfriend is making apartment arrangements.

Now about the new lady. She was born with Spina Bifida. She's about 4' 6" and is confined to a wheelchair. She stays currently with her mom and step-dad, because she was widowed this past January. Her husband had breathing problems and basically died beside her in bed. around march, she underwent surgery because of Arnold Chiari syndrome, a condition that usually comes with being born with SB.

She's having a long recovery from surgery, which makes it harder to try to find a place down there.

Here's the funny part tho: she's actually encouraging me to play till I can get down there for good.

That's all I can think of for now.