BraGirl's Blog - page 41

So all weekend I have spent trying to get one of the four computers I have to work...Managed to get this one up and running (fingers crossed it stays that way) So I do what I normally do head for my email inbox, then usually I go straight to nn and cheq out the blogs, I like to know how my friends are doing and I came across a blog directly meant for me....It was a hard one to read, the unnameless one knew where and how to hit hard, it made me feel more unworthy, more insecure, more demoralized than I have ever felt and I guess thats why I was feeling so down, so suicidial yesterday. The words cut deep (I can still feel the stab wounds) They really knew where to aim to hurt me, so good one mister, the words you wrote really really upset me, why you felt you had to blog and not tell me either face to face or on the phone, I dont know, bit cowardly if you ask me....
So I did feel life was not worth living yesterday and thought about self harm, not in the sense of hurting myself, I am still the eternal optimist, but I really felt like going out scoring as much heroin as I could, smoke the lot till I was in a coma, but I have worked so hard to get away from that shit these past few months and to be honest, so I didnt, what would it solve anyway and it wouldnt make any difference either. It wont hurt 'him' just hurt me, make me beat myself up, which I do on a daily basis anyway. I just feel dejected and rejected once again, I need to post, I think I might have some cunt shots, because thats how this person's blog made me feel exactly like a cunt, I tried to call him to talk...No answer. So nice one mister for making me feel like a complete twat and for making me cry alot. I am not a nasty person, I am rediscovering myself after years of drug abuse and therfore it takes me away from here, this cyber world and the house, but they are just excuses arnt they?? Today is anew day and a new start, I will try to get this person from out of my head, when I can get all the knives from out of my body!!
I have posted this tune before, its just a different mix..... [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq75KiG3r08[/url]

I was woken up at 2am by one of my cats who had been locked out for night, she has one of those miaows thats cuts right through to your very bones, so annoying, she sits under my bbedroom window and pleads, she knows I am the only early riser in the house! So I eventually after sometime of trying to ignore her (sorry I was shattered)!! I had to get up and let her in, that was at 3.30am, my usual wake up time for work is 4am, so then needed some tea and a smoke )I know, I will address that addiction at some point during the summer)! So knew I had no chance of getting back to sleep and this tune came into my head..Its abit dancy so be warned, but a dance classic, but you all should be used to my taste music by now!! I am an old raver after all!! Heres the tune [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTGhEj1d6Cw&feature=related+[[/url] So I will blog later with some 'head stuff' news but I feel fine today, sun is shining and climbing higher in the sky, looks like the makings of a another good day, at least I dont have to get up for work tomorrow hoorah!!! Later gators xoxoxo

Hey gang,

Well managed to get hold of a temporary one someone lent me...Spent the past few hours (I know)!! Installing all I need. but yahoo messenger does not seem to be running right at all..Wont bore you with details, all abit whoosh over my head. Thing is, no pictures to be found on this has cant access old pc to retrieve any pictures...I dont know why the Universe is punishing me..Ah!! Camera memory card, maybe something still left on there I can perhaps post and in the chat on main page..Cant see whos sending me messages, I can hear them, cant get to them or see them, so I am screwed, (well wishing I was)! So if you have sent me a chat message and I am not replying, its just cant see you, have the chat bar open but thats about it...I will keep you all updated. at least no work for another three days, felt so good to roll over at 4am when usually get up this am...Have agood few days yourselves people and big hugs and take care wherever you are in the world, adios amigos, from one depressed girl XOXXOXO

Hello guys,

Just to let you all know my new pc has died..It suffered a hard shut down for the third time, it has fired up ok twice, but today..Nada. So to the many I talk to on here, msn and yahoo..Apologies, but I might not be back online until I can get an windows xp disc or a restore disc, I have them somewhere, or failing that, buy yet another new pc which even if I order online tomorrow wont reach me till at least weds or thurs..Dam it!!

I feel so frustrated it untrue I depend upon my computer and the world within and miss you all very much. I hope to be online sometime tomorrow, if my son lets me use his pc again that is, I will certaily not be watching 'the wedding' my hard earned tax has helped pay for this and didnt even get an unvite, they need some colour if you ask me!! lol

So takecare everyone on my online family and hope to talk soon

Hope your all alright and wish me luck..Adios people and later gators HUGZ xxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxo

To attach some pictures of how much that virus made my body swell some of argued I look fine, er I bed to differ and I will attach a picture of the slim again me, so here go gang, wish me luck...

My [IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034042.jpg[/IMG]swollen body...[img][/img] and my swollen rear.....[img][IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034046.jpg[/IMG][/img] this was the worst thing I have ever endured and I have sadly had some very bbad sex, but this infection tops it all...

Takecare all my friends (hope this works)!! HUGS XOXOXOXOXO

Post this for so long, my memory!!! You might find it fasinating, you can hear the earth quake then the tusnami coming in...Just listen to this...[url]http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f225/japaneese-earthquake-sound-recorded-76427/[/url] No wonder the quake caused so much damage and from what I hear, the nuclear leaks on now on a par with Chernobel now..Scary stuff, to read and hear....

My swollen legs....[IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034059.jpg[/IMG] If this doesnt work I will oce again like look a dumbass...I need some serious educating, must be someone out there who can teach me afew tricks!! xx))))xx

Okay so this how my legs looked after a month, when I couldnt walk....[img][IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034061.jpg[/IMG][/img]

Hello gang.

Well where to start...I have been so wrapped up in working so many extra hours at work, leaves me little time to stay in touch, so my apologies to whose message or friends request I have try to answer, some date back to my illness when I was offline so much and now I back to a humble free member I cant reach you, as you have now slipped to page down now two and unreachable to me, so I am nnot being rrude or ignorant, I now have limits..Sigh..I intend to sign up for a aonther three months I loved it delectable penis!!!

I guess the further I became from the heroin..only touched the stuff now once in six months, the more my life has taken a new direction and thus away talking me away from long coversations and staying in touch, whatever the mode of contact. So some of my relationships, online, reached an envitable conculsion sadly as a consequence of my changing, for the better personality, I guesss my idea's, hopes for the futrue have changed, my priorites and in some ways thats a good thing, but to lose people along the way, thats a tragedy to me, as some opf been instrumental with my rehabilation...

I certainly still get my roller coaster days, but they are fewer these days, I am handling the meonpause symstoms, I think my diet and life style will/has increased since then, I feel so much happier of late regardless of the sets back the universe has played into my hands. I sill feel I am missing something though but I certainly dont know what that might be...Oce again..I know nn maybe cant get what I am looking for via nn but I like this site and I have been so priveledge to meet some fantasic ppl, too many to menttion, but you know how are..so good to see shaz Back in the game, so missed her wit and personally and sexy girl.

I am going to try to attach some pix of my swollen limbs iof I can..Hope the are not too big this time...hope you all alright BIG HUGS xoxxo

[img][IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034061.jpg[/IMG][/img] and thos one of my swollen feet...[i[IMG]http://i1107.photobucket.com/albums/h381/cosmickas/S1034056.jpg[/IMG]mg][/img]

This is for my mister bed head......[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCtNfvStOOk&feature=fvwrel[/url]