BirdLover's Blog - page 10

Hello my friends in nakie-land.

Here is the wit-hit you have all been waiting for, this weeks crazy questions that YOU the community ask of BirdLover each and every week.

I do want to start out with a special message to “V”- You must ask a question that does not involve gerbils or other rodent variables or I will not reply…

Whew-

Question 1 Does your Hubby spank you?
Not as often as I deserve.

Question 2 Do you like to cum?
Equally as much as I like owning a medulla oblongata

Question 3 Would you consider having blueberries sucked out of your belly button?

Only when it is NOT ant or wasp season

Question 4 Will you ever leave us and become a REAL PORNSTAR?

Ok, lets just take a moment to think this through.

I am quite sure that they do not allow people to become PORN STAR status that have not shown their vagina to the world.

I am relying on pure circumstantial evidence but I feel it is reliable.PORN STARS all show their vagina to the world.

PS They call what I do artistic-erotica or peek-boo shots. I do not currently even qualify as REAL PORN… sorry to disappoint.

Question 5 Have you always been this sexy?

HECK-NO. I am the Midwest version of the ugly ducking, except in the Midwest version it is pork-chop that wanted to be a fancy Italian dinner- type story… Only to be sold off at a meat raffle.

I was (and some days still am) a 100% toad catching, mudslinging, and tree-climbing tomboy. I had a dirt bike that I rode DOWN the slide and I prided myself on the ability to play the game KILL during recess with the boys. (If you got the ball, you’d better run or we are going to kill you by piling up on you)

Question 6 What kind of music do you listen to?

Lets just say I am NOT afraid to shop clearance CD’s so I have a very eclectic collection of every genre for the last 25 years and I am married to a 70’s YES fan.

Question 7 What is the kind of music you like the least?
In order:
1) Kitten the Yodeling Cowgirl is one of the most amazingly BAD cd’s I have ever had and it is a girl yodeling to the song “It’s a small world after all” by Walt Disney.
2) Mariachi band singing all the Beatles tunes
3) The international Rugby team singing the R&B hit “I will survive”
4) All albums put out by the stars of the original star trek

Question 8 Do you smell your own underwear?
I have a strict no panty/drawer sniffing policy that was adapted at a young age with 5 brothers and an angry disabled Vietnam veteran father. I do not think I would consider digressing.

Question 9 Do you regret having so many children?
The mommy answer: They are all smart beautiful children and they are a blessing. I am complete as a person with them in my life.
The sane parent answer: Only when the bills come. And come. And come. And come.

Question 10 Will you let me lick you?
Dude- I am on YOUR SCREEN. You can pan in and out, and you can lick your monitor all damn day. Lick, lap it, and tap it all, and have a great time.

See you cat’s later, thanks for making this a great place to be. I will see you later when I post this week’s weirdest food craving.

oxoxox
Bird

Hey my favorite people! It has been another wonderful week of odd questions but this note is to start a new weekly highlight to the madness.

As some of you know I have some very odd food cravings BUT there are some of you who can actually TOP my taste buds.

So here it is- the gauntlet has been laid, I will give you credit on the blog if you can come up with a TRUE food craving that makes me stand at attention.

This week’s winner is from NN member sevenplus:

“When I was a kid I used to love Sugar Frosted Flakes and Deviled Ham on white bread. It was sweet and Saty, soft and crunchy....mmmm, it covered all the tastes!! LOL “

YOU MY FRIEND have won the Weirdest Food Craving of the Week!

Thanks for the hits. Keep the love flowing.
Tweet Tweet
Bird

Thanks for all the well wishing. I am feeling better and I must tell you that having an inner ear infection and an international flight in the same day is a death wish.

It would have been easier to bear a lion cub out of my auditory canal that to live through the British Airways landing process.

But that will not keep me from the item you all are waiting for.

The top ten wicked replies to the questions YOU send ME. Here is this weeks dose from the Bird:

Question 1) Have you ever used a DEAD DROP SPIKE?
Even though they look like an ass plug from the pictures they are not that simple.

For the rest of humanity, the dead drop spike (no need to capitalize all the letters- it is not that important) is a concealment device used to hide money, maps, documents, and other items. The spike is waterproof and mildew-proof and is made to be shoved forcefully into the ground or a shallow stream to be retrieved at a later time. It is very pointy and does have a handy retrieval string on the twist top. Contrary to the sick comments in the field NO it is not used as a sex toy and no one would ever consider masturbating with it.

To answer your question, I have no need to use them because (HELLO- this is a porn site remember??) and I am no longer in need of military assisted tools to manage my mundane daily tasks. You can experiment for yourself and get a similar item at almost any military surplus store.

Oh and by the way-Do you have a real life that involves normal people?

Question 2) Regular or Decaf?
I think decaf is what most of the world settles for in their everyday existence. I am a devotee for caffeine and caffeine like substances. It has helped me pass every term paper, deal with crying children, and it allows me the ability get my eyes to focus every morning.

PS I do not drink coffee, I drink soda pop.

Question 3) Would you consider coming to South Carolina for great sex?

Well it is one of the original American Colonies with a rich history and culture shaped by European, African and Caribbean influences.

YET the sad truth is humans are lazy by nature AND currently if I just take off my shirt and swoosh past the TV area I am assured a round of great sex from my Hubby. On command sex is one of the most under rated topics of marriage and it is so much better than cable.

Question 4) Do you like to have your ears nibbled on?
Oh nibble- nibble, it is not drivel.

I assure you, nibbling is a love-snack that leaves me wanting a huge bite of what you are dishing out.

Question 5) Will you pose naked with my wife?

Isn’t that why the good Lord invented PhotoShop?

Question 6) Have you ever has sex in a submarine?

Why, do you have a ballistic missile you would like to show me?

Question 7) Have you ever slept with Owen Wilson?

A couple of reasons (besides the fact that to my knowledge we were never in the same state at the same time in the last 40 years), Owen is younger than me so Andrew would have been more my age favorite because I like older men.

Owen suffers from middle child syndrome and the fact that he was caught cheating on a geometry exam while in tenth grade and the “kicked out of school” thing would have made it very hard for me to introduce him to my parents in high school. My dad would have been thrilled that he was then toted off to military school because that is what “every” young man needs- a taste of some authority and some good old fashioned respect for the Red, White, and Blue.

Out of the Wilson trio of cagey wild Texas longhorns I would have picked the baby Luke as my favorite personality type, Luke is a Virgo which I am very fond of, a runner, and I think he still holds the high school record for the 800 meter dash. They don’t call him cool hand Luke for nothing.

Question I love the bondage gear you have where do your get it?
www.bdsmstore.com

If you are new to bondage gear my advice is to look at it as an investment, get great quality, and only buy the things you absolutely LOVE. Otherwise you end up with a leather saddle that was only good for a one trick pony.

Question 9 ) Do you like vibrator orgasms more that orgasms from a man’s cock?

Hmmmmm. Let me think about this…

A hard throbbing man holding me down and pounding me into the bed posts until I scream or flexible jelly vibrator????

You do the math.


Question 10) You have such a large variety of picture styles. What is your favorite?

I like pictures that DO NOT show:
My cellulite bulging in a disgusting cottage cheese way
Hints of premature aging from closet smoking
The plethora of bruises I get from walking into stupid shit.
(i.e. the freaking awful end-table in the living room that I never wanted in the first place AND the shin killing I get from the side of our spare-bed every damn time I vacuum.)

Keep sending the love.
Bird

Hello to all of you out there! I have another addition to the TOP TEN questions that YOU have sent to ME.
As always it is a pleasure to pull your chain.

Question 1) What was the dumbest thing a guy has ever done to you in bed?

Hands down it be a guy from Southwestern College who kissed like a sheepdog having a epileptic seizure. He tried to put his finger inside me but neglected to get INSIDE of my panties and he kept saying how wet I was and how hot I was.

Until I said “dude- you are not even touching my vagina”

Question 2) What is the worst sexual encounter you have ever had?
Lack of sex.

Question 3) What is the funniest thing that has happened during sex?

Ohh man- wait til you hear this one... The day my ex-boyfriend sneezed as he was near climax and blew his cold all over me and tried to KEEP going.

I yell out “Eww- YOU just snogged all over me you crazy bastard!” and push him off of of me. It was soo gross and I had to get up and shower.

This outburst and the word SNOG completely took him off guard and he burst into a laughing fit and blew another wet-greenish snog load on the wall behind where I had been. IT FLEW all the way to the wall.

I gagged with hysterics because I could hear it whap against the wall as I was making way to the bath. I swear it was the largest amount of snot I have ever seen in my life. I still have the exit vision of one long wet clump still handing on his nostril from the fast exit that was stringing along towards his lip.

That is one bodily fluid I never need.

Question 4) How many orgasms in a 24 hour period is the perfect amount?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Question 5) Have you ever had the giggles during sex?
No I take my sex wayyy to seriously- until someone snogs.

Question 6) Have you ever had sex with Hugh Grant?
Ohh my friend Hugh, I will tell you this, he is a Virgo which I like, he is older than me which I also like, and he has put away a fair stash of cash and as a banker I really like that! (Did you know his Brother is also a high profile banker?)

But here is the real deal:. You do not have to be an LA hooker to get it on with Hugh, but he does like it kinky and straight but not with the same woman. Liz Hurley and I feel he is a bit too kinky for us but we love him to bits and he is horrible naughty and rotten gobs of fun. AND how can you not get hot over an 5’11’Oxford man who has to be drunk as hell to dance?

Question 7) On average how many days a month do you wear underwear?
I personally attempt to place at least one pair a day on my bum. I sometimes change them a few times a day to cheer myself up a bit. You know dress up the poochie. Fresh panties make me feel sunny and bright.

Question Do you like your Netherlands stroked?
Who does not like their tulips rubbed?

Question 9) How good are you at faking orgasms?
No need to fake when you can make one up yourself.

Question 10) Do you ever play with guns during sex?
I like a straight shooter in or out of the bedroom. Guns are not the only thing that is locked, cocked, and loaded in MY bedroom.

Thanks for the sugar! You are also sweet.
Bird

Just an update- I did not name any of my body parts Mr. Cuddles. It is a reference to a REAL cat... hence the age old Pussy joke...

Well guys it has once again been a great week and I am so glad that you have taken the time to e-mail your ridiculous and bizarre comments and questions. I LOVE IT! You are becoming like family.

For those who are still upset that I have revealed my nipples so early on in our relationship I do fancy to remind you that we are on a PORN site. I will not succumb to giving up my artistic style. Nipples or no nipples it is all about the “shot” and sending that image out to YOU. I cannot please all of the people all of the time. And I do read every single e-mail.

Without further hesitation I bring you this weeks Top Ten list of questions that YOU have sent to the Bird.

Question 1: Do you read smutty magazines?
If you are referring to such publications that provide photographs or other illustrations of nudity and sexual activities then yes, I am a smut fan. I find smutty magazines offer so much more than Tijuana bibles.

Question 2: What type of pornography do you like?
Members benefits on NN of course… and free video too.

Question 3: Have you ever had sex with any one from the heavy metal band Motley Crue?

Original band members or any of the Crue members?
Ok before the rumors start flying.

Even though they had their wayward desires with more women than any other metal band in history, got into more trouble with the law that even Ozzy Osborne, and were busy helping the re-birth of BIG HAIR and the legalization of Auqa-Net hairspray as a tax deduction, they were ALL L.A. blonde bombshell lovers. (Heather and Pamela are just a few) I do not fit into this arena.

Just for your information I was also not even eligible to enjoy a drivers permit to get LA during this time. My only concert chaperone was my Father, (yes, until I went to college) and I just don’t see him being able to get past the boys wearing make-up AND having personal mantra of “drink, fuck and get fucked up” . I am sure my Vietnam Vet Father would vociferously oppose the idea of any man with black painted fingernails touching any part of his gene pool. I personally am turned off with the odd biting habits of that band… (yes,they BIT people.)

Question 4: Are you a SnowBird?
I live in the Midwest full time that makes me the Anti-SnowBird.

Question 5: When are you going to show your Pussy?
No time soon. Mr. Cuddles has suffered a terrible loss of tail fur from walking over an open flame candle set horrifically on the kitchen table. (Why was the cat on the table??) His temper is rather singed over his tail-igniting incident and has likened the request of appearing on NN as being cruelty to animals- something about a dog and pony show.
So we just let him nap and take care of any nasty garage mice and try not to irritate him..
But I may offer the Bird a special spot.

Question 6: Do you crave being tied up or is it just for show?
Crave.

Question 7: Will you even do an erotic Arabian slave series?
Hmmm-Are you thinking about the Princess of Dhagabad? Well, maybe I could get a djinn slave too.

Question 8: Do you like to have hot peppers rubbed on your nipples?
I am a little young for HOT flashes.

Question 9: Will you please do a captive Wonder Women series in a REAL Wonder Woman costume?
Sir, being bound by the Golden Lasso society it would be sacrilegious and against all Amazonian blood-oaths to perform in this manner. And Lynda Carter could still kick my ass.

Question 10: What are the TWO strangest objects you have ever put inside of yourself?

My ex-boyfriend Armando and his best friend after a case of “green death” and a foosball loss.

Keep the sugar flowing.
If you keep reading- I will keep writing.
Bird

Hey all! It is that time of the week again! The famous TOP TEN questions from the world of NN and BirdLover. I appreciate you all sending in your questions.

Question 1: Do you like candy?
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Question 2: Do you like to have your nipples teased?
Wayyy more that I like my hair teased.

Question 3: I heard you say you liked BOXING. Who is your favorite?
I adore these top five BOXERS for various reasons:
1) For just being a bad ass and cool as ice is Sugar Ray Robinson.
2) Because he could haul ass on issues outside of the ring is Muhammad Ali
3) George Foreman is a gem for putting up with the motor mouth Ali. But I respect him for his work as an American citizen who loves his country and dedicated his fortune to changing the lives of kids. And I love the grill…
4) Joe Louis for the defending his championship 25 times.
5) The oldie Pete Herman who actually went into the ring blind before he was xxxxxx to retire.

P.S I am a Bruce Lee fan…

Question 4: Do you ever use drugs?
OK. Consider about my personality for just one moment.
That would be as crazy as the Bee-Gees on speed with a Red Bull chaser.
It is just not going to dance well.

Question 5: CIA? Really?
EX-CIA and when are you guys going to get off of it? Have you never gotten it on with a woman who has carried a side-arm before?
It’s not that hard.
Apply for a job- www.cia.gov

Question 6: Do you still carry a gun?
My new porn site adventures with my hubby are the only Saturday Night Special I can carry through an international airport.

Question 7: Is BirdLover your special agent name?
Wow, Columbo, you are on it.

Question 8: When are you going to take it all off and show us some of the goods?
When Bush pulls my countrymen home, I will salute with my Bush.

Question 9: Will you come to NE?
I think I can see it from here...

Question 10: Do you Eightball?
I like a Corner pocket.


Well that is it for the Bird.
See you all Later. Looks like I am going to get stranded in an airport for the night.
Thanks for lookin'

Hey you guys! Here are todays TOP TEN questions that YOU have sent to ME. Right away I must clarify the blow-job bit. It was bubbles…sorry to excite you all.

The second thing about the bondage stuff, don’t be alarmed no one was hurt in the making of any of my erotic art. My hubby loves me and holds me dear, our marriage is not in turmoil and I have no desire to be shamed in anyway. Besides do I look like the kind of girl who likes to be pissed on? Puleeze… I can shoot a moving target with near perfect accuracy at 80 feet with a sidearm and a head cold.

I will add that hubby frequently ponders if I am and alien life form because I am such a ball of crazy string. And-before that question comes: No I am not a extraterrestrial being.
Whew- with all of that I will get to the order of the day, I love the fact that you are around and paying attention so here goes:

Question 1: Can I slap your ass?
Only if you can catch it. Maybe a cyber slap is right for you as soon as I get my person spank BirdLover Wii game released- I will totally e-mail you.

Question 2: Does your boss know you are online?
This is a two-sided question. I work in four various countries on a regular basis IF my boss found out that means HE is looking online and what reason would HE have to be online??? So if you were the boss with three little kids at home and a nice quiet life in Switzerland with a very wealthy wife- would you be tracking little ole me on a porn site??

Question 3: Have you ever had sex with a boss for a better job?
Look Pal you don’t have to have sex to get boned by the government. Just look at your federal tax statement.

Question 4: Would you ever pose with a wild animal like a tiger or a leopard?
Dude- I had SIX kids. I posed with animals at damn near every Zoo in the nation. Lions, tigers, bears, I was even molested by an ostrich that has some sort of green algae growing in his mouth. In fact I have been attacked by more than one ostrich- three to be exact. I am proud to say while on a trip through AZ we ate their egg. HA! ( is equal to 3 dozen eggs so a little Dab’ll do ya)

Question 5: How is it possible that you had six kids?
The majority were gifts. I only had to POP for two.

Question 6: How long have you been married?
That is a questionable subject. I am on the lifetime mebership plan. I consummated the concept of marriage 19 years ago. I have yet to speak the “OBEY” part in front of God or anyone else.

Question 7: What is your favorite country to play in?
They all have their own special games , and I like to play. I could not pick the BEST, but I will say by far and away the most sensual is Brazil for its delicious outward androgynous sexuality. I have never felt more like running naked that on the beaches of Brazil.

Question 8: Do you sleep naked?
As a jaybird.

Question 9: Are you a recluse?
My name is not Kaczynski. (FYI)The Unabomber, was a volunteer in mind-control experiments sponsored by the CIA at Harvard in the early 1960, SO the "recluse line" is a bit of a sore spot for all intelligence officers. BUT before my time…

Question 10: Do you color your hair?
I am a decided redhead- I liked it so I decided to buy it. Salon cost $241 with blowdry and tip.

Thanks again for tuning in. I will see you soon with new pictures going out next week.
HUGS! oxoxox
Bird

Hey you fabulous people! Thanks for the high votes on my pictures. I really appreciate them. Keep voting…

Here are today’s top ten questions that YOU GUYS e-mailed to me.

Question 1:Will you trade underwear with me?
Why are yours wet?

Question 2: What do you think of Anna Nicole Smith?
No matter how you slice it – her sudden death is a tragedy on every level. It is also one more time everyone is headed to the courthouse. Vickie Lynn Hogan (Anna Nicole Smiths real name) named her child Dannie Lynn Hope a very close overlay to her former self. Now that child may really take her former life now that the grandmother wants to have custody. She was a starlet, a playboy pin-up and a former stripper who in the end is just like us all- able to die of a broken heart.


Question 3:Have you ever have sex with Hillary Clinton?
Well since Hilary was planning for law school on the day of my birth it is a bit out of the question because of our age difference. Dorothy and Hugh Rodham are very protective over their first born so I do think the whole cradle robbing and lesbian relationship would have been hard on them, but then again- so was Bill… I do think the greatest fear Hugh would have is that our age difference would taint her political beliefs into the Party of Choice- those damn Libertarians. Thank the Holy Grail of Arkansas she was already married to Bill when I became sexually active.

Question 4: What is the largest cock you have ever seen live and in person?
A 12 foot rooster made out of solid steel in Minneapolis MN. No kidding- you can order one at a garden center there and it costs $1,400 to be delivered and needs to be placed with a crane. It was painted and looked like a normal rooster- but damn it was the biggest cock I HAD EVER SEEN. They also had bison, elk, and dinosaurs you could order.

Question 5: Do you like to have your toes licked?
I like to have other people remove my toe jam and rub my tootsies but not with their tongue. Not even with the dog.

Question 6: You have a lot of bondage wear – where do you buy it?
They are all gifts from the Internet heavens…

Question 7: What id your favorite sexual position?
12.00S by 42.00W
My second favorite position is
50.00N by 15E
Ha! Rag- that ought to get you looking…

Question 8: What is your favorite Goddess?
(MR.K don't cheat-just guess!)
It happens that my favorite Goddess is also my favorite Latin word and describes my photographic assets well. The answer is the last word on my blog entry.

Question 9: Do you like it doggie style?
Doesn’t every sex-toy?

Here is a little doggie style joke:

Two guys are driving down the street. They see two dogs having sex on someone's lawn. The first guy says "That really is the best way to make love."

The second guy says "I don't know if my wife would go for that"

"Hell, make her a few martinis, she'll go for it"

The next week they see each other. The first guy says "Hey did you try it?"

The second guy says "Yeah, but it took 8 martinis"

"8 Martinis! Holy Crap!"

"Yeah, after two she was feeling frisky, but it took 6 more to get her out on that guys lawn."

Question 10:What is the tattoo on your ass?
I will never tell, but we have had so many e-mails asking my husband has chosen to make a little side-bet.

Yes- we have a bit of a competition going on here boys and it is only fair I give everyone the same hints I sent to Robert. The first one to correctly guess the item that is tattooed on my fine arse will receive (compliments of my husband), a photograph of the REAL view. No holds barred and from HIS private collection. GOOD LUCK!

The HINT: It is best to take the heart shaped picture and print it out; there are actually two shots that have a glimpse. It has three colors in it, and two are primary colors. It is a known entity and most people in the United States over the age of three would recognize this picture is they saw it.

Wrong guesses so far:
Cartoon of a worm
A beer label
A Celtic sign or other religious art
A lizard
A flower
A woman dancing
A dolphin
A unicorn
A bird
A witch
A vase

Just send a PM with your tatoo guess I will tell you if your correct and announce it on the blog that you are the winner and that you are very savvy.

Todays answer on the latin word and favorite Goddess quiz is:
Voluptas.
BYe- Thanks for being you!
tweet tweet
-Bird

Thanks for all the great feedback and keep those wild questions coming. You guys are thinkin' and I like that. ALSO KUDOS to those who looked up the "c" word. The dictionary is stil your friend.

Question 1o you like to have your nipples pinched?
Everybody likes a little dab of goodness dropped in.

Question 2: Do you enjoy back-door play?
As a method of bypassing normal routes or securing a remote access- I am not a big fan.

I do understand wanting to remain covert from casual inspection. This is an anonymous site. ( for those who don’t get the joke google back-door play)

Question 3: Have you ever driven naked in a car?
I prefer the passenger seat as my nakie-throne because then I can slink down and pull my clothes back on when we get the cops stop for an explanation.

Question 4: Do you like music on when you have sex?
I find it is better quality and less Mother Goose than the music in my head.

Question 5o you have a special camera to take such beautiful pictures?

What you see is what I got and what my hubby is grabbin’at.

Question 6: Have you or would you ever have sex with Adam Sandler?

Although we are about the same age and he is also part of the same phylum that I am, we just do not have much in common. His wife Jackie is awesome and they have a cute new baby that he is busy adoring. He and I are on the artistic outs since 8 Crazy Nights and the reindeer thing. I t just went all wrong for me. No, I have not slept with Adam and by the looks of my well hung hubby- I won’t be.

Question 7: Is Harvey Point Defense Testing Activity a real place?

Only if you are former CIA officer Bob Baer, for the rest of the world it disappeared from public record I think in 1942 when the Harvey’s sold it.

The better question is: How do you know this crap??

IF it did exist it my bet is that it would be the new darling for the Defense Department in devising methods of stopping drug runners because that is still the biggest game in town. It has been rumored that DEA, FBI, Secret Service and other agencies have known of its existence.

I personally know nothing about it and am reporting only hearsay.

But YOU on the other hand scare me a little.

Question 8o you like men that look like Tom Cruise?
Short Guy complex does come to mind. I have trouble with anyone who has been told he is the "chosen one" of the Scientology religion and is supposed to spread the news of the faith. Besides, I think even Jesus was taller than Tom.

Question 9: Do you like have sex with your shoes on?
Listen- my boots ain’t for walkin’.


Question 10o you like BIG Italian men?
Thick and juicy are the better adjectives.