Sugarmomma's Blog - page 12

The hunting day is over, hillbilly came back stiff from the cold, but at least he had a warm dinner to come home too.

Tomorrow is another day of being out with his buddies and at his camp to do some hunting, hopefully he will get something,... he did however see a buck,.. to bad it's only open for doe at the moment! LOL poor hillbilly.

So tomorrow getting up early again, sitting down and having some coffee, supposed to be 26* out when he heads outta here, so make sure he is warm and ready. Then I'm going to jump back into the bed and snuggle up to his pillow for a little while ..

Yup tomorrow is another day.

Sug

The alarm was set for five am, I knew he was excited about getting out to hunt this morning....just didn't know how excited he was! Lol.

I woke this morning at 4 am because he was to excited to sleep! Already wide awake and ready to get out to the camp to go hunting. He woke ready to go, he jumped into his hunting gear, made sure a fire was going and had the coffee running before i made it out into the kitchen. After sitting at the kitchen table for awhile talking and enjoying some coffee it was time for him to head out before the sun came up.

Hopefully he will have a wonderful day, but I can't wait for him to get back..

That's it for now.
Sug

that moment when you tear through the entire house because you know a certain item HAS to be there SOMEWHERE,...

So tomorrow hunting begins for the hillbilly,.. I went through all the hunting clothes got them ready, put them out,.. washed the hunting knives,... made sure he had some snacks and sodas etc.. but lone and behold there was something missing,... the blaze orange vest ... OF course I didn't remember where it was,.. and it wasn't where my hillbilly thought it was,... so I went from room to room tearing everything apart and putting it back looking for this vest ... needless to say,... I think the vest sprouted legs and took off,...

At least I know something that I can get for his birthday now though! ... heh and he said he didn't need anything! *giggles*

alright that's it for now,

Sug

I was sitting here the other day so tore up, and then finally Howlin gave me something to do, to try to help me, and I did it. I wasn't sure that it was going to work, but where I was at, it was worth a try and in reality it helped me a lot.

Huge weights lifted off my chest or just in general, I'm sitting here looking at life, and thinking and processing how I want MY life to continue. Needless to say I have let go of a lot of things, took a look and finally just said, "I am done." The past is the past, it is what it is one persons view to someone else's. Every person has moved on, every person is happy where they are, and no one needs to being taking stabs, jabs or slaps. At the very least my goal, and what I am going to work on is just letting the past go, and moving on with being happy, because each person deserves their happiness. Regardless what people think or how they feel, this is how -I- feel and how I from now on will look at life.

Live, love, laugh, have faith, believe and keep going.

So be happy, all of you, even those who dislike me, even those who don't know me, especially those who do, and anyone else I may have missed. It's time to stop letting life pass by, and just be happy that life for all has moved on.

I came upon this choice to make in my life when I looked over the past year of my life, and it has been wonderful, but it could have been even better with taking a deep breath and letting everything else go. Tomorrow is the one year mark of Howlin being clean and sober, and above all else that has come this past year, this is the thing that I am most proud of, I know it was hard, I know there were many times where it would have been easier just to give in and take that drink, but he didn't, he kept pushing along and here he is, one year later clean and sober. Howlin, there is nothing else in this world that I am more proud of, there are no words that can express how proud of you that I am, so I leave you with this,... for every year that you continue on, I will find a way to -show- you what your accomplishment means to me. Congratulations sweetheart.

Smile, it's what makes the whole world go round.



It's true, and I have come to realize how true it is.

Sug

Because true love sometimes find you late.
I always search to tell you how I feel hillbilly, but I know the lyrics to this song cover it fairly well, it doesn't say all that I feel but it covers a lot of the important feelings.

Thank you for finding me, and bring my TRUE love,.. and loving beyond anything in this world... I love you.

Sug

I watched a story on the news today, it was a story about a man that had physical disabilities, however he still accomplished a marathon in Chicago, even if it took him 16 hours and wasn't done until 1:30 in the morning.

When they talked to him, the man was humble, he didn't brag on what he had accomplished, but why he accomplished them. The man was born with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck for a total of five minutes. The doctors told his family that he would not live longer than 7 days, he would never walk, and never talk. Well beyond all the things stacked against him, he speaks, and he speak a total of 3 different languages, walks marathons, climbs mountains, and is an international motivational speaker.

The last thing he was asked, was what kept him going for 38 years, he told them, "I don't do it for myself, I do it for someone else, if you do it for someone else, then it has purpose."

It makes sense to me what he said, I think if more people would set goals, not for them self, but for someone else, it would mean more, and would push you to accomplish that goal, no matter how long it took, or how hard it was.

So,.. do something for someone else, let it have purpose!

Sug

As the mark of our one year anniversary passes, I take a very deep breath of fresh air.

I continue to see a therapist for depression and anxiety to get past the previous five years of what was my life, but it has done me a WORLD of good so far. I still wake with night sweats and terrors,or crying, but I know that no matter what my hillbilly will be there to hold me and help it fade away into nothing. When I was first prescribed medications for depression and anxiety I hated it, I felt that what I had let myself become and who I let myself become over the previous five years was letting my world crash and fall in on top of me, and ruining everything for the rest of my life, however they have begun to help me, they let me wake every day and function. I can now walk out in public and hold my head up and look people in the face and speak with them, rather then look down at me feet as I walk, because I know that I can. I have started retraining myself from being what I was to who I really am, and can be. I don't feel the need to curl up and hide behind something or someone, I am starting to get past feeling like just an object in men's eyes, but an actual person, I'm starting to realize that I am just like anyone else, and have the right just like they to live a life the way I want to. Each day is new, however some of them have been rough, but I continue to push through. I now realize that I can breath, breath in deep and keep on moving, I also realize that just because I was pushed, twisted, and turned, spoke down to, or jilted with false comforts for five years, there are still steps I can take to change how it has changed me, and made me feel. This hasn't been easy nor a joy ride, and sometimes I feel like dropping it all and just screaming at the top of my lungs, what stops me?.. is the thought of ruining all that I have done and went through at an attempt to make my life better, to make the rest of my life better. So this is not just an anniversary of a year being together with howlin, but a milestone mark of doing as needed and talking to my therapist, taking the steps I need to, to turn this shadow into a beacon of light.

So I take a breath of fresh air.

Sug

Tomorrow October 12th, will be the one year mark that I have been with my hillbilly. It will be the one year mark that my life has changed forever. To say that it was an easy year would be far from true, there were many struggles, and many memories that needed to be let go. Over time it has become easier to forget the past, to let go of the memories as they fade away. It was hard to stop doing what I was used to, and it made it hard for my hillbilly because he was unsure of what I was going through.

Despite all that he and I have been through, all that we fought to do, and to keep and to save, there are so many other WONDERFUL things we have done. I have bettered myself all through out this year with him. I got here, and helped him as he helped me. I worked together with him by his side, I accomplished getting my GED that I have wanted for a long time now. He helped me get past my anger and rage that I had built up, he helped me realize that with him, I can be myself, that I don't have to feel like the only thing I can do is what everyone else wants, and that I don't have to live like I use to. He taught me how a real man love his woman.

One year later here I am, with a wonderful man in my life, living in our beautiful home, keeping the house chores up, and working seven days a week an keeping our house a home, a place that we can relax and enjoy, a place that we call ours.

Howlin, Happy one year anniversary, I know it may not seem much to many people, but to me, it's important. I thank you for all that you have done for me, all that you have shown me. I thank you for looking past my flaws, and helping me become myself again. Thank you for showing me what love really is, thank you for caring and being there for me no matter what. Thank you for lifting me up, when I fall down, thank you for making me smile when all I want to do is cry. Thank you for giving me the gift of meeting and knowing my father,.. thank you for letting me be a part of your family. Thank you for pushing me when I thought I couldn't do it. There are so many more things I can thank you for, and it could take years to get them all out. I love you more than I ever knew was possible, I couldn't imagine being without you. You are the reason I smile, the reason that I wake up every morning and smile and start my day. I could never put to words just how I feel about you, and saying "I love you" just doesn't seem to be enough. Just know that no matter what I will be there, I will fight for you and beside you, I will never leave you alone not even in the darkest hour. Until I am taken from this world, I promise that I will always be there, I will always love you, fight for and with you, stand beside you, carry you if and when needed, give you strength and give you faith.


May there be many more wonderful anniversaries

Sug